A real apocalypse: All the macho misogynists, who denigrate women’s intellect and dismiss their capabilities, make crude comments about them and categorically reject their demands for equal rights and equality, are all suddenly on their knees. They are begging one woman — a woman who does not observe Shabbat; who speaks out in public; who, though married and, of her own free will, to a secular man, heaven forfend, does not cover her hair in public — to do them the favor of joining them. And, who knows?, perhaps even to lead them.
Suddenly the “gorillas,” with their “reduced spiritual capabilities,” the inherent immodesty of their hair and voice, their shallowness and their limited intelligence, have been forgotten. And who knows, maybe it’s even permissible – until further notice – to speak to women despite what is written “Do not converse too much with a woman. Because all of a woman’s conversation is nothing but adulterous words.”
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And they say that until after the election it is also permissible to walk, or to sit, between two women without fearing their spells and demons, as our religious sources warn. Apparently even the Talmudic definition of women as “a sack of excrement with a bleeding hole” has been temporarily suspended.
In short, a new liberal spirit is suddenly blowing in the bottom of the ultra-Orthodox Zionist barrel. Why? Because the eyes of the holy and the pure have been blinded by the photogenic image of one woman. Not, God forbid, the blindness of passion or adultery, only the seductive flashing of a few more votes. A Haredi Zionist version of Yair Lapid Syndrome.
And really, in what way is a pitchwoman for fascism inferior to a pitchman for a bank? And so, as if by chance, we learn that the need to preserve parliamentary seats overrides religious law, and that the fear of falling below the electoral threshold cancels out the nonsense of our sages. And the holiness of rule and blandness takes precedence over the holiness of hatred for and exclusion of women.
Yet we cannot help but wonder how exactly the discussions of this holy camp will be conducted? Let’s say, for example, that all these righteous men gather together in the Knesset to discuss key issues such as holiness and budgets. And while they are deeply immersed in deliberations the door will open, and the uncovered tresses of the leader of the right, fluttering in the breeze of the fan, enters the hall.
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Oy gevalt! The erection of all those present will raise the roof of the building! And if the lady also opens her mouth (to demonstrate her frivolousness and the shallowness of her stature as a woman), or, God forbid, hums some tune, the plaster will fall off the walls from the force of the groans, and a steamy vapor will coat the windows. Is it really possible to protect the Land of Israel, the Jewish people and the Torah in that way?
And with that we have finished laughing. Because this disgraceful pursuit of the former justice minister, aside from being ridiculous in itself, is also an enlightening disclosure of the secrets of infinite hypocrisy. Suddenly the “principles” of which the Haredi Zionists like to boast have come to an end.
Suddenly all the chatter about lofty morals, the condescending modesty, the rolling eyes, the sticky self-righteousness, the orchestrated enthusiasm and the fingers fluttering with false determination before of an audience of the captive babes in the religious pre-army academies have evaporated.
And all the demagogic and useful bullshit about the “feelings” that are constantly being offended has also disappeared. All that remains are the small and sweaty accounts of dwarfish politicians who are forced, due to the troubled times, to swallow all the sacred falsehoods that they customarily feed others.
So there’s no need for concern. Immediately after the polls are closed, they will once again be holy, righteous misogynists and licensed marketers of racism, gluttony, blackmail and false beliefs.