Today we will study a chapter in racist doctrine. A major rule is to distinguish between “the prime minister of us all” and that contemptible Prof. Hetsroni who sprouted wild at Ariel Univeristy.
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We will also distinguish between amulets and mezuzahs. One kisses the mezuzah as a mitzvah from the Torah and the sages; the amulet, in contrast, was never among the 613 commandments. Rather, it was a superstition: A barren woman will suddenly conceive, or an evil man will be saved from hellfire thanks to the golden key that opens heaven’s gate.
That’s how bribe-loving rabbis trade in people’s woes, and parties profiteer from feelings for a fistful of votes. Wholesalers in faith have opened a business in black magic — amulets for pennies. If you ask me, this is the purest of pure racism. What does it have to do with Jews and Judaism?
Yair Garbuz was sure he was following Maimonides. “Do not let occur to your mind the vain imaginings of the writers of amulets or names you may hear from them or what you may find in their stupid books .... They think work miracles,” Maimonides said in the Guide for the Perplexed. But who is Maimonides compared to the teachers of Jewish law of our generation, from Rabbi Ovadia Yosef to Rabbi Meir Mazuz?
(Permit me to reveal my personal taste — I infinitely prefer kissing my flesh-and-blood loved ones; I hope they will agree to kiss me back. And I will not prostrate myself on the graves of deceased loved ones, nor will I do so selfishly and childishly, lest I disturb their eternal rest. And the dead do not save the living.)
But let’s move along in our study of the laws of racism and look more deeply into the question of Ishmaelites-upon-you-Israel. As it is written: Droves of Arabs are surging at this moment. As if they were a surge of ants raiding our property. One day we’ll have a chance for a lesson on the Hebrew language, not only in civics.
I Benjamin Netanyahu know how to catch you in a trap of fear like silly birds frightened by scarecrows. Who if not I has done wonders in seducing you and plucking the lowest strings in your grumbling stomachs? Who if not I has beaten the drum that calls on the tribes and makes idiots of them. I am the nobleman who invites the court Arabs to sing and dance before Sara and me, as we both disparage you in our hearts. That is the apology that contains eight parts of racism.
All Israelis should blush deeply. Their prime minister is justifying himself on American television. “I am not a racist,” he was forced to say. The prime minister of “the Jewish state,” he of all people has to defend himself against such a humiliating accusation, to publicly blot out such an ugly stain.
I, Sarid, as a collaborator of Hamas and the Islamic State (based on Netanyahu’s definition), cannot recognize him. He is not my prime minister until he recognizes me and all “anti-Zionist” leftists.
Now, before our lesson concludes, we come to the pinnacle of racism: Shas’ Arye Makhlouf Dery is back in a big way, about to be appointed a “senior minister.” He wasn’t a child who took a bribe; this isn’t a child who stole an apple because he was hungry. He was already a minister then, too, respected by his people and his movement, who shoved his full hand into the public coffers.
Do you see Abraham Hirchson coming back? Do you see Ehud Olmert, that other Ashkenazi, coming back after he “pays his debt to society”? Because Dery is a Mizrahi, we have to go easy on him when he returns to the ministry of the crime, and we have to give a discount to Sephardi Shas with its crown of criminals. They had a hard takeoff that justified giving them a soft landing and special consideration.
Even if you don’t ask, I’ll tell you anyway: That’s racism too.