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An Open Letter to the Poor Israeli Suckers Who Live Near Gaza

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Gaza-area residents sitting in their safe room.
Gaza-area residents sitting in their safe room. Credit: Eran Wolkowski

This letter is for people who live in Sderot, Ashkelon, Netivot and everywhere where night isn’t night, the kids are crying and the family business is crashing. It’s for people who’ve been taking it for a few years now, for those who don’t know, and for those who do and are repressing it.

I have news for them all: You’ve been had, taken advantage of, used. They’re taking advantage of your naiveté and counting on your loyalty. You’re cannon fodder in the fight against .

You’re ’ punching bags. According to the agreement we have, that organization can take its nervous frustration out on you. When? When don’t come on time, when the group has a beef with someone, or just because it feels like it. That’s Hamas, sensitive and nervous. Our partnership with it is secret. In exchange for keeping it a secret, Hamas can, when under pressure, shoot a harmless rocket at you, just to let off steam.

We give Hamas money and permission to barrage you, and what does it give us? It gives us a war with . And it won’t let the PA take over as well. It makes sure that Gaza and the occupied territories stay divided and desperate. Hamas is our great hope for peace and for the settlements, for rule by the settlers and to maintain the conflict forever.

Now you’re confused. What’s going on here, you ask. Hamas is our friend now? Calm down, it’s temporary. It’s our friend like Donald Trump was a friend of the Kurds. These relationships are dynamic. Sometimes for us, sometimes against us. Use and discard.

You near Gaza, do they discard you after use? No. You’ll always be useful. They’ll always take advantage of you. They’ll always get your vote and your loyalty. Now, for example, they’re using the rockets that fell on you to declare an “emergency” that might save from .

You get socked and stay silent. They flatter you. You’re the spearhead, they tell you. We’re the spearhead, you ask, we, whose parents ? Who were discriminated against and lied to? Does anybody give a hoot about our suffering? You’re right. Nobody gives a hoot. You’re our interest.

Our interest is the Greater Land of Israel. It’s more important than a few sleepless nights. They lie to you and you keep quiet. You don’t complain, protest or demonstrate. Do they tell you we’re sorry about the nights and the nightmares? Bull – look what one siren in Tel Aviv did to the crab-in-cream-sauce eaters and the drinkers of espresso with whipped cream.

We’re using your hatred – the hatred for those who chucked out there 60 years ago. They persuaded you that the crab eaters and the espresso drinkers of today are of those days. They’ve gotten you to pass your hatred on to them. Hate the leftists, the Arabs and anyone who’s not Bibi. Take it and shut up.

What would happen if you took it and didn’t shut up? Maybe we’d get rid of Hamas and then, perish the thought, the PA would rule Gaza. Think about what would happen if ’ 5 million people in the West Bank and Gaza declared independence? Think about the response of the wild settlers and the messianic rabbis. After all, nobody would want to end up here with three bullets in the back.

You ask what’s more important: the “suffering” of a few thousand people in Sderot or the national interest of 6.5 million Jews? Look, with all due sympathy, isn’t Stalingrad. What they’re doing to you might be called “uncomfortable” or “unpleasant,” true. But “suffering”? Have neighborhoods been destroyed? Have people been killed? Aren’t you exaggerating?

Please be good boys and girls. Get used to changes. Forget everything you knew. From now on, Hamas is good and is bad. Remember: “Our enemy’s enemy is our friend.”

From now on, Islamic Jihad is the one that always starts it, even when we start it. From now on, Islamic Jihad is the “terrorist we don’t talk to.” It’s our enemy, Hamas is our beloved. The right-wing bloc and Hamas are united in their demand: Close , grant immunity and promise a pardon.

You were busy with your petty nuisances and you didn’t notice: We won! A huge victory! Enormous! All the pundits said so: a breathtaking and impressive victory! Not on points; a knockout. They’re on the ropes. Everybody knows the score.