Forget the Four Species: 5 Items Your Sukkot Wouldn’t Be Complete Without

From a sleazy sukkah pick-up tee, to a song you won’t stop singing, here’s a list of ridiculous, yet awesome, treasures you can find online.

Yael Miller
Yael Miller
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Items available online to mark the Jewish holiday of harvest.
Items available online to mark the Jewish holiday of harvest.
Yael Miller
Yael Miller

Ahh, Sukkot. Who doesn’t love a holiday that revolves around harvest and food? During this holiday, many of us will eat our dinners under the stars in booths roofed with fronds, enjoying the cool breeze that puts an end to the oppressive summer heat. But if you live in an urban area with little to no space for a sukkah, you might not be living up the holiday fun to the max. My recommendation: head to the portal of endless Sukkot treasures – the Internet. There, I found the most ridiculous, yet awesome, treasures:

1. The sleazy tee

What good is a hut with a view to the moon if you can’t shack up in it? That must be what the clothing designers were thinking when they created the “Your Sukkah or Mine? T-Shirt.” This awesome item of clothing should henceforth be known as a tactic for picking up that cute guy or chick hanging out at the young professionals’ Sukkot party. Of course, you could also think of this T-shirt as a purely innocent way to invite ushpezin (guests) to your sukkah, a tradition of the holiday. But really, what fun would that be?

2. Give Spot a break

If, however, you aren’t keen on getting frisky in a silly Sukkot T-shirt, you could at least let your pet dog have some fun with one:

He may enjoy his new getup so much that he forgets to pout hungrily as he stares at your supper in the sukkah.

3. Greet with care

Now that you and your dog have picked out your outfits, you’ll need to invite your lunch guests. If you’re looking for a quirky card to send out, you’ll love this. It will also let your invitees rest assured that your sukkah-building skills may save them one day – if you get stranded on Gilligan’s Island.

4. Dip your etrog

And what about the soundtrack to your meal? Well if I thought the Fountainheads were incredibly clever when they came out with their famous “Dip Your Apple” song for Rosh Hashanah, I was equally as impressed by their very cute Sukkot song, “Livin’ in a Booth.” The best thing about it is that it’s a great way to engage your tween sister/niece/cousin with the Jewish holiday, because, hey, what tween doesn’t love Bruno Mars, the inspiration for the song?!

5. Get the A-Team in on the fun

And finally, I couldn’t create a list of ridiculous Web items for Sukkot without a reference to Mr. T. Yes, that’s right, dear friends, someone online created this gem:

Get it? Sucka, do you like my sukkah? Perhaps we should make Mr. T the official gentile Sukkot spokesman.

So, if you’re struggling to see the stars through your sukkah fronds due to pesky light pollution, know that there are plenty of other quirky ways to enjoy the holiday. And if that means you’ve gotta watch a Mr. T marathon whilst wearing a sleazy T-shirt, be game for that, too.

Yael Miller lives in Washington, D.C. with her husband.

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