What Would We Do Without Her?

Is she pretty? Is she an idiot? Is she profound? Is she delicate? Is he happy with her, or is he suffering but having a hard time admitting he's living with a low-class bimbo? Is there a psychological-philosophical kit that can give a final answer that can be published? Because after all, this is a matter of public interest, not just nosiness.

We have to ask whether she herself, the witch, knows the answers to all these questions. They say she has a magic mirror that she looks at every morning, and asks: Mirror, mirror on the wall - am I an idiot? And the mirror says: Yes, but an average one. Am I profound? No, but if you don't open your mouth too much, nobody will notice.

Then comes the next question: Is he happy with me? Here the mirror clears its throat. "Let's think about that together," it says to her. "He said, and I quote, 'Aim the fire at me and not my wife.' What does that mean? It means that he wants to be seen as a gentleman. That means that he, the bastard, actually wants the fire to be aimed at you, and then people won't notice his blunders. And you, witless person that you are - excuse me for being incapable of addressing you more harshly - fall into that trap and go with him to Poland for International Holocaust Remembrance Day, and stand close to him in the Warsaw Rising Museum. Don't try to deny it because I saw you on Tuesday on television, your eyes wide open and frightened as though they were about to separate you. Is that the behavior of a prime minister's wife? Where is protocol? And when they asked you if you had anything to say, you responded: 'I have nothing to add.' So why did you take the trip, you ...," and the magic mirror finishes.

But now let's turn the mirror around to all those who are watching the prime-ministerial couple with enjoyment, so that they can see themselves and ask how they themselves get along with their own wives, and how their wives look and sound, and what heroes they are when their women start berating them. For example, all the show-offs who covened on Tuesday for "Politika" on Channel 1, and spoke loftily about freedom of the press and the future of democracy in light of the libel lawsuit that the Netanyahu family filed against the daily Maariv, and the complaint against Yedioth Ahronoth over its stories about Sara's misdeeds.

A reminder: Benjamin Netanyahu also knows how to speak loftily. When it comes to action, however, he is far less impressive. The same is true of people who think along journalistic lines, from Ben Dror Yemini to Daniel Ben Simon: In theory, they're all strong. They all have wonderful ideas. But when it comes right down to it, you open the newspaper and what? Mud-slinging, kitsch, brown-nosing. Aside from that, look at them - those watchdogs of democracy. All you have to do is whistle and they'll remove their uniforms and run to be top politicians. Some have already been called (Ben Simon), others are simply waiting.

Did she really abuse the maid, Miss Lillian? Are they really threatening the life of the maid's husband now? Mirror, mirror on the wall, tell me please: Had Sara not been invented, who would even read newspapers?

On lepers and politicians

A strange and suspicious agreement: Former journalist and current Meretz MK Nitzan Horowitz, along with Minister of Culture and Sports Limor Livnat, is planning to protect Hebrew literature from the wildness of the marketplace. We saw Horowitz defending the need for such a law with the same enthusiastic body language he showed when he spoke about replacing the government, or about climate change in Equatorial Guinea. And we heard Livnat saying more or less the same things, in the same determined style, when she wanted, for example, to pass a law to abolish the status of Arabic as an official language in Israel.

There is a poem by the Israeli poet Rachel (Bluwstein) about the four lepers who came to tell the inhabitants of Samaria, then under siege by the Arameans, that their salvation had arrived and the siege had been lifted. And Rachel writes: "But I will not want a message of salvation, if it comes from the mouth of a leper."

For my part, let them sell Rachel's collections of poems for NIS 20 at a vulgar and commercialized discount, as long as the maximum number of people get into their heads that the salvation of literature and culture cannot, on principle, come from politicians.