Dance of the Seven Veils

Labor's candidate for defense minister, Ami Ayalon, told the British newspaper The Sunday Times: "I killed many Arabs, probably more than Hamas fighters killed Jews, and more than anybody else..." What a pity that Ayalon is joining Boogie and Shaul and Avi's dance of the seven veils troupe. As they dance, they drop one scarf after another, and by summer, after the elections, they might be exposed in their full naked idiocy.

And how do we know that his boastfulness is grounded in fact? How can we verify that he indeed killed "more than anyone else?" Perhaps there is someone among us who has killed no less or even more than Ayalon, and now feels left out? We are familiar with arrogant show-offs of another ilk - or perhaps of the same ilk - who like to tell tales of their potency and their sexual exploits - a thousand and one nights - and eventually it transpires that they are feeble, limp, impotent wimps.

Therefore this column cannot make do with mere talk and demands proof. From now on, the heroes of Israel are to appear like the heroes of Karl May, with Indian scalps hanging from their belts.

It's not nice, Uzi

Uzi Uzi, it's not nice to run and tell everyone about a conversation you had with Omri Sharon four years ago. Now you say Omri hinted to you at the time that you'd better, as head of the National Security Council, recommend operating a casino boat in the Eilat gulf. Maybe your story is true, maybe it isn't, I have no idea. But this delay on the one hand, and the timing on the other, raise suspicion of something unclean.

If you succeed, despite everything, to get into the Knesset, I suggest you add another law to all the good laws you promised, which are intended to wipe out corruption and corrupt people. This law will stipulate that a non kosher act, or a kosher-but-stinking act, must be made known at once, not wait for the elections. If it waits, it will fall under the statute of limitations, which covers all that was or wasn't with the dust of gossip.

What's the half for

Undoubtedly, the government's decision to take affirmative action in employing Arabs infused renewed hopes. Granted, an identical decision was made already three years ago, but a fresh bluff is better than a forgotten bluff. One detail in particular aroused my curiosity: the government agreed to allocate 37.5 jobs a year to Arabs for the next three years.

I'm intrigued to know what that half is, and for whom exactly it is intended. Does it mean half a job for an Arab person, or a job for an Arab who is only half a person? Presumably, half an Arab person can also be lynched for escorting a full Jewish woman.