Migron settlement
A walkway in Migron. The sign reads 'Migron - a defensive wall for settlement.' Photo by Michal Fattal
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Now that the medical efficacy of marijuana is proven fact, the time has come to examine the potency of the hallucinogenic drug LSD as a solution to strategic problems. Preliminary tests indicate that this drug exceeds all expectations. Tests are currently being carried out in Israel - a pioneering country when it comes to medical developments. The first experiment was initiated seven years ago, and it will conclude in March. It has won the name "the Migron Experiment."

Two hallucinatory delusions are under review in this experiment. The first is the misconception that the High Court has the power to force the government to carry out its rulings. The second is that Israel's government will be able to persuade the trespassers who built this settlement outpost to voluntarily vacate it.

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Throughout this period, the test group - the government of Israel - took small tablets and thereby cultivated an imaginary, delusionary view of reality. Ultimately the government managed to persuade itself that it was carrying out High Court orders, that it was enforcing the law and demonstrating its strength vis-a-vis the settlers. This hallucination was so powerful that the government came to believe that it had sold a fantastic plan to the settlers, in which the settlers would receive new houses at the state's expense and would not be required to vacate Migron until these domiciles were ready, and even after the evacuation some of the old homes would remain standing. The plan wasn't the accepted evacuation-then-construction formula, but rather construction-no evacuation.

In the meantime the control group - the Migron settlers, the Yesha Council of settlements and a group of rabbis who conducted the negotiations - began to view the government as a junkie. This perception had some justification. After all, members of this control group live in the real world. And, in contrast to the government, they also dictate new realities. Migron, they stipulated, will not be vacated, and anyone who thinks there will be an evacuation ought to take another pill.

While the Migron hallucination is still in effect, a new medical experiment - one more revolutionary than its predecessor - has been initiated. In this experiment, the transportation minister proposes the construction of 475 kilometers of iron rails along the West Bank. Ramallah will be linked to Hebron, Ariel to Nablus, Afula to Jenin and, of course, there is the old dream of Haifa being linked to Damascus. Wending its way between hills and stones, a train will roll through the Jordan Valley, carrying its passengers - the Semitic cousins, Jews and Palestinians, and Jordanians alongside their brothers from the Ofra settlement.

And here's the real innovation: Announcements on these trains will be broadcast in Arabic and Hebrew, unlike on trains in the State of Israel. This delusion has already cost us NIS 3 million, and that's a bargain compared to the huge advancement in medical knowledge it will bring about. The costs here are much lower than those of the Migron Experiment.

The train in the territories will do more than advance medical knowledge. Under ordinary circumstances, a train's usefulness is measured by the number of passengers it serves. In this respect, the new plan is innovative: First, a rail infrastructure will be built, and then efforts will be made to bring in clients. In earlier periods it was the settlers who brought bypass roads to the territories (with the advent of this new railroad, these bypass roads might as will be sold to the Palestinian Authority), but under the current scheme the railroad will precede a future wave of settlers, who will come to live in the territories and enjoy transportation that preceding generations of settlers could only dream about.

Wherever railroads are built, so too can factories be established and agricultural fields planted. The fruits of this industry and farming can be loaded onto the railroad cars, for transport to Iran via Damascus, and from Jordan to Saudi Arabia. Jerusalem residents will be able to reach Tel Aviv speedily, via stops in Ariel, Qalqilya and Rosh Ha'ayin. In the end, genuine peace will climb aboard these trains. Who will maintain the train cars in the territories? Who will clean them? Who will open food stands? Who will inspect tickets? Thousands of new jobs will become available to Palestinians, and so nobody will be left to demonstrate or throw rocks.

Just a minute, before the drug's effect wears off, there remains just one small question: When is all this supposed to happen? Perhaps that's a useless question. Hallucination is an addictive situation that becomes permanent. It needs no timetable. In all probability, we'll take another pill tomorrow - one that conjures the hallucination of an attack on Iran. Why not? After all, if the government is certain it can win the battle with the Migron settlers, and fantasizes about a peace train in the territories, how else can one come to terms with this dream of an attack on Iran? At the very least, Israeli governance can apply for patent rights to hallucinogenic politics.