Believe in each other
Our only way to protect ourselves from men closing ranks in cases of sexual assault and harassment by accusing the victim of 'consent' and vindictiveness is to believe in each other.
By Merav MichaeliRecently, the Tel Aviv weekly Ha'ir published the transcript of the trial in which Sabbar Kashur, an Arab, was convicted of rape by deceit, duping a woman by posing as a Jew named Dudu. As it turns out according to the report by Lital Grossman, the sex was not consensual, but was actually rape, of the clear-cut, cruel "simple" kind.
"He told me that if I were quiet and did not resist, then it would be, like, it would be over more quickly and it would not be, like, he would not use force. But I did resist and it was by force" - with blood and scratches and scars, which are documented at the hospital to which she was taken.
Indeed, the original indictment was for forcible rape and the accused was the one to initiate the plea bargain, in which he confessed "only" to rape by deception.
And all this time I, too, thought that the court was racist and what would be natural with a Jewish guy was considered rape when with an Arab. I, too, did not stop to think that it is unlikely that a woman would jump on a guy named Dudu, drag him off for wild consensual sex and when she found out his name was Sabbar, would complain that he had raped her.
How terrible. Because of the fact that in this case the target of the public's ire was more the court, which "harms the real victims," and less the victim herself, as often happens, even I, who for 15 years have been speaking up for rape crisis centers and victims of sexual assault, I felt guilty that a sister had caused such serious racial injustice.
It is clear why. We women are educated from the beginning not to listen to ourselves, not to believe ourselves and certainly not to believe women who say they have been raped.
The men, as is almost usual, stood up and with one voice protected the man accused of rape. In this case, an Arab man is suddenly accorded a higher place because he symbolizes the right of a man to unlimited sex without consequences; because the complaint against him symbolizes the worsening conditions of men due to the laws against sexual harassment and rape.
Suddenly they would risk their heads for the Arab man who on any other day they would easily consider a traitor.
Israel is really a racist state, and we must protest its racism. But we capitulated in the face of the accusation of racism - and also got into the same boat as the righteous men who are fighting racism - and we repressed the first part of the story.
Yes, the media is responsible in choosing not to check the details. Yes, the prosecution made a mistake in not realizing that the plea bargain took the sting out of the rape conviction. Yes, there was carelessness in the way the conviction was written so that it sounds like it was because of the complainant's testimony that the indictment was changed from forcible rape to rape by deception.
But we should know better. After all, every woman knows on the deepest level that there is no such thing as going up on the roof of a construction site in the middle of the day with a man you just met for wild sex and then lodging a complaint against him.
We must no longer fall into these places. Our only way to protect ourselves from men closing ranks in cases of sexual assault and harassment by accusing the victim of "consent" and vindictiveness is to believe in each other. Always to believe in each other. For each of us to remember the reality of our lives and to know that we are all real victims.
We must have faith in each other that is beyond the shadow of a doubt. That is the true meaning of believing in ourselves.
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'Every woman knows on the deepest level that there is no such thing as going up on the roof of a construction site in the middle of the day with a man you just met for wild sex' Miss Michaeli sure lacks basic knowledge of human nature. To me, the 'raped' woman clearly doesn't want the 'daughter of Corinth' label. Just as the public doesn't want to admit, there's something wrong with the system. Why drag rubbish into the daylight? It's better to put it where it belongs - deep underneath the carpet.
"The men, as is almost usual, stood up and with one voice protected the man accused of rape." Did Marev read the comments posted on Haaretz? There were many, many women who wrote in defense of the accused and against the claimant. None of us, men or women, are to be blamed if the facts were misrepresented (not clear yet)
in a progressive manner. he wants to be decent, but plays the role of the useful idiot instead of writing a darkness at noon like arthur koestler.
absolutely no desire to insult the writer. her own personal trauma is poorly masked in this article. but this kind of viewpoint only perpetuates simplistic binarisms (women good<->men bad , compare orwell four legs good two legs bad) which only serve to perpetuate things like rape. i understand that when a victim consciousness is always impressed on one, sometimes forcibly, one often adopts it. but does she understand that when a victimizer consciousness is impressed on one, sometimes subtly (such as in her article), one often adopts it, too?? finally, does she think that all women tell the truth while all men lie? and where in this story are the facts she's talking about? as a matter of a fact, the hospital report on the victim found absolutely no evidence of forced sex (which is usually pretty clear).
The frequent changing of the claiments testimony does not mean that Shabbar is guilty without a shadow of a doubt. There is a huge shadow of a doubt about this. Further, anecdotal claims that Merav wouldn't necessarily jump some strangers bones doesn't mean it is a rule for all women. The idea that all men are sex crazed is a sexist and patriarchal as the notion that women are timid and don't enjoy sex. Frankly if Merav doesn't believe women can have "loose morals" then she should go out on a Friday night to Allenby Street in Tel Aviv
the forensic evidence reported here is rather vague, as i mentioned in my previous post. other, more experienced, reporters have quoted the same hospital report, noting absolutely no evidence of forced sex. "blood and stitches" in and of itself is not evidence of forced sex
But why did she change her story when she learned that the guy was Arab?
this is beyond your usual humbug. forensic evidence of rape is EVIDENCE tending to support a claim of rape -- it is not per se PROOF. The scratches etc might have happened due to some other circumstances. I'm not saying they did, only that they might have. And of course we have only Merav's characterization of the events.
Mmm, maybe, but still something a bit fishy in this story. Not really the best example to illustrate your argument, dear Merav...
She makes this into a men vs. women issue, barely commenting on the despicable, dishonest and downright incompetent way the media initially reported this story. It would have been universally condemned as rape if the media had bothered to do their job to begin with...
To tell you the truth I had suspicions myself about the whole Jewish deceptpion thing. It is easy to tell who is a Jew and who is an arab. Very difficult to hide an Arabic accent. And the features of this guy aren't especially Jewish. I think the author is on to something. This story stinks more than a little of distortion of facts for political purposes.
Merav, great article, but this all is about reporting. This is exactly how the case was presented by the local media. Remember your colleagues' (our colleague - I'm a journalist, too) Gidon Levy's tear jerker of an article "His only sin that he wanted to feel human". And we eagerly jumped to accuse this new Potiphar's wife, easy lay, etc, as well as our racist court.
...this is truly one of the best articles I have ever had the pleasure to read in Haaretz. I too was outraged at the thought of a racist court ruling; now, having learnt that the case was mis-reported I regret the feelings I had. You couldn't be more correct when you say "women are educated from the beginning not to listen to ourselves" - thus is the sad state of the male dominated world in which we all live. Soon may it change. Thank you for this insightful and intelligent piece.