A warning to Mr. Biden: We negotiate like we drive
Everything you need to know about Israelis, you'll see from your motorcade window.
By Bradley Burston Tags: Benjamin Netanyahu Bradley Burston Israel newsClick here for more articles by Bradley Burston
Memo to Mr. Biden: Everything you need to know about these people, my friends, the Israelis, you'll see from your motorcade window.
You may see the garbage piling up alongside the streets, the consequence of a relatively new observance on the local Jewish calendar: the annual pre-Passover municipal strike, meant to coincide with the traditional pre-Passover spring cleaning.
The lesson: We have come to believe that the only way to have our grievances addressed is to do something intentionally offensive at the worst possible time.
Your motorcade will offer you a broader lesson as well, one which may also come in handy farther down the line:
We negotiate like we drive.
For us, the rules of the Roadmap are simple. They a direct extension of the driving principles that have made a simple motoring excursion statistically far more hazardous and immediate a threat to Israelis than terrorism, Iran, Hamas and Hezbollah rolled together.
Let's begin with signaling:
1. Signal Left, Veer Right. Also known as the Ehud Barak Lurch.
Not to be confused with its increasingly rare counterpart, the Ariel Sharon Feint [Signal Right, Veer Left], which is its mirror opposite in every sense.
2. Signal Left, Do Nothing. Also known as the Benjamin Netanyahu Freeze.
3. Avoid Signaling, Except By Means of Rude Gestures and Vulgar Outbursts. Better known as: Avigdor Lieberman. This driving maneuver tends to have a ripple effect, causing collisions, near-misses, and road rage, while leaving Lieberman curiously unscathed.
Other Common Advanced Driving Maneuvers:
4. Arbitrary Highway and Street Driving in Reverse Characteristic of both Israelis and Palestinians at the wheel. Also known as, when you've missed an opportunity to miss an opportunity, put yourself in a position of even greater disadvantage and potential danger to yourself and others.
5. My side Is Right. In all collisions and violations, the side the U.S. happens to be talking with at the moment will not only explain, but will itself be absolutely convinced, that it had the clear and indisputable right of way.
6. When I Am Clearly In the Wrong, See Rule 5. Even in cases where the side the U.S.is talking with, was in obvious and unequivocal violation of the right of way, and/or took actions which directly led to collision, pileup, logjam, or verbal or physical outrage, its conscience will be antiseptically free of all culpability, and will immediately and in detail explain why the other side was and remains entirely at fault.
7. Offensive Driving Inevitably, the wrongful turns, sudden stops, reverses, refusals to yield, refusals to heed the instructions Do Not Enter, Wrog Way, or Stop on the part of one or both of the sides may embarrass you and your government. You will quickly be advised that it was not at all intended to embarrass you or your government.
It will be pointed out that all cabinet vehicles here are built with a separate steering wheel and horn for each passenger, and no brakes at all. It follows, therefore, that the designated driver cannot be responsible for the actions of everyone in the car.
Then, of course, there is the explanation given Monday by the Defense Ministry for the decision to give a green light to 112 settlement homes whose construction had been frozen under an understanding with the United States:
'Issues of Safety.'
Next visit, Mr. Vice President, you may want to think about taking the train.
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Previous Blogs: When Israelis degrade Israel by humiliating Joe Biden Jews who want to see Jews leave Israel I envy the people who hate Israel Pro-Mideast in America: Getting past 'Pro-Israel' and 'Pro-Palestine' Israel needs Goldstone Fear of peace will be the death of Israel Bashing Israel for saving Haitians A prayer for the people of Haiti Israel's looming war in Gaza: Can Obama stop it before it starts? Israel's 10 worst errors of the decade
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the whole world is afriad of isreal and what is comeing the rebuilding of the temple in jerusalem on mount zion,its going to happen.every thing i have seen all roads lead to jerusalem the city of truth.the truth is that the human limited powers that be know deep down their days are number,once the temple is rebuilt for the third and last time the truth shall come out.G-D cannot lie IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR G-D TO LIE. GEN 12:3 I WILL BLESS THOSE THAT BLESS THEE I WL CURSE THOSE THAT CURSE THEE.
I realise that America has funded armed and supported Israel for many years along with other countries such as the UK but I will never understand why America believes it can dictate Israel's policies. I would ask does the US provide such a spotless example of world peace solutions as to be regarded as the world peacemaker. The US has done so much to remove peace and yes any mention of God's commandments in it's schools its government and its overseas policies. So Why, Oh why do people turn to this violent example of peaceful existence when domestically it has just about the highest internal murder count of the so-called civilised world. I would question the sanity of anyone who uses that country as an example of how we should all live or behave. Dennis
Hilarious article! To all whose panties are in a wad after reading it: GET A SENSE OF HUMOR. The ability to laugh at yourself/your politics will prevent you from becoming obnoxious, self-righteous, close-minded, and generally impossible to get along with.
"I feel a little better now ..."(Mplsvala) I am glad that you feel better but I don't share your sense of optimism that Obama's tactics are what the Doctor has ordered ... You stress about the armageddon that "the Bushies" supposedly clamour for. I don't know whether THAT's true or not but here is my prediction: Let the Arabs and Iran feel that Israel is now on it's own, WILL bring the prospects of armageddon closer. Why do I say that? Because I don't share Burston's or Gideon Levy's belief in the magic formula that if only Israel gets reined in everything would be alright. What I do think is that it will strengthen the hands of those Arabsand Iranians who are war mongers and who want to see Israel destroyed. And if they even would look like succeeding, what do you think that this generation of Jews do? Do you think they would be as compliant as the generation of WW2? I'll give you a hint: Think Armageddon at least for the Middle East and believe me such a prospect would not be good for ANYONE else either. That's why I feel that the Gideon Levy's, the Burstons and the Obamas of this world are deluded wishful thinkers. And that's why I think that you too have NOTHING to feel good about ...
They have the write to stfu when axed politely . . . Welcome to Amerika . . . .
Barack Hussein Obama II , Joseph Robinette "Joe" Biden, Jr. , George John Mitchell , and Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton - decide to harm Israel : 1. They Don't let Israel attack Iranian nuclear weapons plants 2. They and others didn't stop Iran to get it... 3. They just giving Iran more time for more bombs 4. Iran train, equip, and financier terrorists in Lebanon , Syria , GAZA - Hamas and others include in PLO , Yemen , Saudi Arabia , Egypt , IRAQ... , Afghanistan , South America ...! , north America ...! - And those and other MF - just more soft to them... - Why ? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtP9KU7FuaY&feature=fvw 5. After Mitchell and Biden visit they inflame the ARABS in Israel - as in every "peace process" - include OSLO - and you can see today the Arabs riots... 6. Arabs should go back to Arabia, Arab from Arabia , Jew / Jude from Judea. The people of Israel live in the land of Israel for more than the last 3000 years... If other subjugators / empires took control on the l
Barack Hussein Obama II , Joseph Robinette "Joe" Biden, Jr. , George John Mitchell , and Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton - decide to harm Israel : 1. They Don't let Israel attack Iranian nuclear weapons plants 2. They and others didn't stop Iran to get it... 3. They just giving Iran more time for more bombs 4. Iran train, equip, and financier terrorists in Lebanon , Syria , GAZA - Hamas and others include in PLO , Yemen , Saudi Arabia , Egypt , IRAQ... , Afghanistan , South America ...! , north America ...! - And those and other MF - just more soft to them... - Why ? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtP9KU7FuaY&feature=fvw 5. After Mitchell and Biden visit they inflame the ARABS in Israel - as in every "peace process" - include OSLO - and you can see today the Arabs riots... 6. Arabs should go back to Arabia, Arab from Arabia , Jew / Jude from Judea. The people of Israel live in the land of Israel for more than the last 3000 years... If other subjugators / empires took control on the l
Great piece! I feel a little better now. Like a lot of people, I lost my ardent admiration of Israel during Operation Cast Lead. Even so, your suckerpunch to Biden was simply stunning. For many of us. the scorn that demonstrates for peace, for Pres. Obama and for the US in general is intolerable. I can't help but notice that the most vigorous supporters of Israel's insane actions here are diehard Bushies. They are really special people. You know, short bus sort of special. Those folks tend to believe that y'all are destined to die horrifically in the realitively near future because the bible says so. And they don't think that's a bad thing. They are eager to give you all the rope you need to lasso Armageddon. Endless whining by American Jews of anti-semitism at the least hint of objective observation or reasonable questions doesn't help either. But this article does help. Israel is struggling for her soul. As are we. As are the Palestinians. Let's hope we all win. Shalom.
You see BB--it is the ROAD that MUST BE FIXED--it is full of dangerous pot-holes which cause damage to both the tax-paying (Israeli) drivers "property" (their vehicles) and cause unecessary DEATH to too many of the population and drive others into FEAR of potential DEATH by LOSS OF CONTROL (are you getting these metaphorss BB?)... THE solution: they MUST BUILD A FIXED UP ROAD again to RESTYORE itso that it is a FEASIBLE and SAFE DRIVE. Meanwhile "Rights Activists" including a certain V.P. from Yankeeland DARE suggest no fixey the road -leave it as it is because a certain species of rats would have their ratholes swept off the scene paved over by new asphalt...RATS have more "rights" than DRIVERs it would seem -yet the YANKS had no qualms about paving goregeous highways for themselves with not a protest over the ratholes they paved over (RATS moved to "RESERVATIONS" so that preserved the rats "rights" OR maybe rats do not have any rights-HISTORY trumps lawyers.
1. Rule Number One: Sometimes when we park the car in front of a hotel, we may never return to the car as it blows up the car, the people around it, and the hotel.
Please! Did you ever drive in Israel? The only thing better than the states, is the lack of SUVs, but of course that gets worse all the time!
What rights do they have?
Dear Tim, I agree with your questions 100%. Many Israelis agree with your questions 100%. You get a skewed view of Israeli opinion when you read Haaretz, because this paper, once a mainstream and key newspaper that identified with the mainstream Israeli electorate has pretty much aligned itself with the International Left, and has to my opinion abandoned the true ideals of the Israeli left. The international left has aligned itself pretty much with the pro-Arab and pro-Palestinian narrative of the way things happen around here. Every narrative is subjective, but I would suggest that the Palestinian one is particularly so. According to this narrative, Israel does not have the right to rule over her own capital, our "Mecca" long before the prophet Mohammad or Jesus were even born. Jews will not be able to live in Palestinian-administered territories by law, or by "facts on the ground" due to precarious risk to life. These are the facts on the ground.
Could somebody explain to me why it is verboten to build homes for Jews in a city (East Jerusalem) where Jews always lived historically except for a brief period between 1948 and 1967 (19 years) when Jews were ethnically cleansed by Arabs from East Jerusalem? .... No, really, I would be really interested to know .... ANYONE OUT THERE who can enlighten me ....? And here is the supplementary question: Even in the unlikely event that someone can provide a meaningful answer to my question above. Even then, shouldn't we insist that if Jews are NOT allowed to build homes in East Jerusalem "because it's a provocation", shouldn't we insist that there should be a SIMULTANEOUS freeze on new homes for Arabs ... because that too would be a provocation (by the same logic or NON logic, more likely but .... at least that would be fairer)?
Comments here defending Israeli driving? Really?
Pot, kettle.
"A warning to Mr. Biden: We negotiate like we drive" - Bradley Busrton Recklessly and with no intent to arrive?
Counter memo to Mt. Biden: Mr. Burston's article is very poignant if one doen't want to look at the facts. The facts. Annual Deaths per 10,000 motor vehicles in this region: Syria: 36.2 Egypt: 20.0 Jordan: 18.8 Israel: 3.4 Indeed Israel could learn a lesson or two from the USA (~2.0 deaths/10,000 vehicles) but at least regionally, Israel fares very well, This becomes doubly poignant, when you split the toll to ethnicities- although it would not be politically correct for me to mention this further. The interpretation of these statistics infer that Israelis and Israeli politicians treat their security as a major priority. Any future road-map requires that security is paramount. Israel has democratically voted in a government which sees the road map differently to that of many good people from Europe or the USA, who live thousands of kilometers away from here, and somehow think that they know better than we do. Thank you.
This week Israel lost one of the most loyal allies on the international arena. The Israeli government will pay for its mistakes and when the Palestinians announce a State in 2011 Israel will find its self isolated from all of its friends. I think it?s about time that Israeli should think more strategically and give the Palestinians their own State. For me Israel lost big time and will continue to loose because of their greed.
I have been mystified by the Barak Lurch for a while. Only a few days ago Barak approved building 112 housing units in a settlement across the Green Line. While within an existing settlement, this cannot help the budding peace talks. A few weeks ago, Barak approved turning the Ariel College in the West Bank into an Israeli University. And of course, Barak did not yet act on an order by the Israeli Supreme Court from years ago to evacuate the settlement Migron built on Arab-owned land. Barak led his labor party into an electoral disaster by losing about 1/3 of its seats, and is expected (by polls) to repeat this feat in the coming elections because traditional Labor voters realize their party has no clear direction on anything.. So what is going on in Barak's head? My speculation is that Barak intends to switch parties and move to either Kadima or, more likely, Likud. Right now he is preparing the ground for being admitted there. And why suffer another defeat for Labor? He will quit the party BEFORE the elections. Just note that Barak is a strategic palnner and tends to (over)plan his moves way in advance.
You forgot. Sidewalk Shortcut.... Whenever a motorcyclist encounters a redlight drive on the sidewalk. Also known as the Terrorist Trip. Or.... Motorcyle Parking... On a narrow street. park your motorcyle right in the middle of the sidewalk but make sure there is car parked on half the sidewalk and where the motorcycle is parked so that pedestrians are force to walk into oncoming traffic. Goes by several names.... The Abbass Abyss. The Netanyahu Nedka. I'm sure others will remember the other names. Of course there are others.
One of a sect of Greek philosophers, 4th century B.C., who advocated the doctrines that Virtue is the only Good, that the essence of Virtue is Self-Control, and that surrender to any external influence is beneath human Dignity.
A person who believes that only selfishness motivates human actions and who disbelieves in or minimizes selfless acts or disinterested points of view.
"Wrog Way"? There are free online spellcheckers if JPost is short on cash (including... BUILT INTO THIS F--KING TALKBACK BOX) lol. Otherwise an entertaining article...
It was funny.
Right now no motivation for Peace is more problem. Core issues with real movivation are like driving mineflield. A cold war between Iran nuclear armed and a nulcear armed Israel would give rest world push they need bring peace between ISrael and the Arabs. a Trill dollars be kind money needed to bribe most Jews settlers into move into Green line and for the Palestinians to give right of return. Arab states with all that oil could afford to pay that bill.Also with Mecca on line making Arab world put press on Palestinians give up Jerosalem.
Israelis, I say to you this: We must recognize the reality of the Arab/Israel conflict. There is no possibility of normal relations between the parties to the conflict. The Arabs are determined to destroy us, and there is nothing we can say or do to change their attitude. The conflict is nearly 100 years old, and as time goes forward the conflict is becomming increasingly dangerous. We will not be able to correctly respond to the threat unless we first recognize that there is zero possibility of accommodation with the Arabs. I repeat: There is no possibilty of acccomodation with the Arabs.
Yes!!
Check the OECD statistics: Israel 5.9; USA 14.7 road fatalities per 100,000 people
1. Let the other guys steal the one way sign and as they crash into those traveling in the right direction, give a summons to those in the right, apologize to those in the wrong, blame those in the right, hate those in the right, accuse those in the right. Encourage everyone to steal the roadsigns and drive in the wrong direction, that it's good for humanity.
I suggest you read a previous piece by Bradley Burston: http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1153997.html Oh, the irony
..very clever and a relief from all the "serious and emmotional issue" usually on this site..
Can someone explain to me why driving in Israel is so dangerous? Is it because of the lack of traffic patrol officers? Here in California, we are ticketed for not using signals, not coming to a COMPLETE STOP at a stop sign, etc. Cops are everywhere and people are respectful, for the most part, except for an occasional moron. Why can't Israel hire more police to enforce traffic laws? If you were fined each time you broke the law, maybe the issue would improve. I personally know of two people who died in Israel in a traffic accident while on vacation--their bodies remained in Israel. How tragic for the family that their loved ones never came home again.
When have you ever stood up for anyone other than yourself? As Lord Acton said, "Every villian is followed by a sophist with a sponge." Burson-Marsteller could put you to good use improving Saudi Arabia's image.
Bradley Burston, I don't like the way Israelis drive either, but your endless self-evisceration for your (adopted?) homeland comes off as especially callous and froth-at-the-mouth angry when it's delivered through an opinion piece about the biggest blowhard in US politics, Joe Biden. Too bad that the White House didn't send ballet-dancing Rahm Emmanuel - with his contempt for Israel's safety, you would no doubt be throwing flower petals in front of his every step.