Pomp, Posh and the prettier sister
Victoria and David Beckham's public entrance was a perfect moment, in which the couple, regarded as international British royalty - the ambassadors of trash pop culture and empty celebrity hedonism - came together with their successors, the new royal couple.
1. Her name is Philippa Charlotte Middleton, but her friends call her Pippa - the perfect nickname for the future international superstar. She's 28 and a successful Internet entrepreneur. She's going out with Alex Loudon, one of Prince William's best friends. She's smart, witty, entertaining and she understands a thing or two. She was the most beautiful woman in the wedding party and she stole the show from her older sister, the bride, in the moments she appeared on TV. It was a classic case of "Why didn't you tell us your sister was prettier than you?"
2. Victoria and David Beckham's public entrance was a perfect moment, in which the couple, regarded as international British royalty - the ambassadors of trash pop culture and empty celebrity hedonism - came together with their successors, the new royal couple.
But if the new royal couple symbolizes elitist, overdone post-modern kitsch and strict ceremonial fashion, the Beckhams are a Damien Hirst creation, a glittering pig's head spotted with millions of diamonds, totally magnificent in its absolute nothingness. Posh Spice and Becks are not William and Kate's alterego; the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are not the button-downed version of the tabloid culture that has taken over the world.
While they occupied the same space, each couple managing to exist without obliterating the other one, these four people created a new alchemy in the history of the popular culture and gossip. It was a legendary symbiosis between the transparent and the transparent, a classic case of white on white; it was a rare moment, creating an effect similar to that achieved by breathing in helium.
3. William and Kate's kiss on the balcony was not encouraging. The tightly pursed lips, the restrained, even steely body language, as attractive as two cardboard figures - the pair of young lovers approached one another (and dear William, Rogaine is great for hair loss and you can surely bear the cost ) for the public act of proof that they're not really stick figures on top of the wedding cake but rather real, flesh and blood people; a love story that's not made in Hollywood, not a fairy tale, but rather the love story between a regular man and woman who happen to be in the limelight 24/7.
When put to the test, however, they got low marks. There was no drive, no passion, no desire, for God's sake, not even a little romance. It was a classic case of a kissing scene that even at the Hallmark Channel would have ended up on the cutting room floor.
4. A single spirit with more elegance, majesty, class, style and sex appeal than all of the 1,900 guests combined hovered over it all: that of Lady Diana, the woman who wrote the fairy tale for modern princesses. She did her part, and with her passing there will never be another like her. The press coverage Britain is so eagerly trying to produce at this time will never manage to approach the original. The monarchy has long been dead in Europe.
Last Friday, the legend of the princess was also given a final burial. Pale imitations with prettier sisters is what we've been left with. Being a romantic in a post-monarchist era means being nostalgic for Princess Diana. Everything else is whipped cream on dry English sponge cake.