Considering the very first mitzvah in the Torah is "to be fruitful and multiply" it should come as no surprise the Jewish family has always held a central place in Jewish life and Jewish community. For much of our history the responsibility of creating a Jewish family has been seen not only as a personal obligation but also as a communal responsibility toward Jewish continuity.
For many of us, the concept of a Jewish family evokes a clear image; a husband, a wife and children by their side. Despite this stereotypical perception, this is not the only image of Jewish family - it was not the case historically and it is certainly not the case today.
In fact, we inherited a much more complex definition of what constitutes a family from a plethora of models, with ancient biblical tales revealing concubines and half siblings and traditional lore telling us about the old country where grandparents often fulfilled most parental responsibilities.
Nowhere in history is the Jewish family singularly defined. As a community we are and always have been diverse, both ethnically and culturally, with no single model typifying the Jewish household.
Jewish families today do not resemble the myopic portrait of the nuclear family described above. Decades of intermarriage has shaped a cultural and racial diversity amongst Jews unheard of before. High divorce rates have impacted what is defined as "normal". Single parent homes, once the exception, now have increasing proportion in Jewish population surveys.
The dynamic amalgam of human beings who define themselves as a Jewish family today represents a broader scope of cultural, ethnic and sexual orientation than ever before.
Jewish families come in all shapes and sizes and what unites them is not their normative identifying qualities - divorced, single, gay, straight, multi-racial, interfaith - but instead their dedication to a deep and abiding connection to Jewish community, faith and practice.
Same sex Jewish households are becoming increasingly common, as the identity of the Jewish family continues to evolve, and this demographic change brings with it a profound and necessary re-thinking about the concept of the Jewish family by Jewish professionals and institutions.
Families are a crucial center of Jewish communal life, and it is our job to reach out to all types of homes, universally and indiscriminately enabling growth and a deepened connection to Judaism and the Jewish community.
It is not for us to decide of define what constitutes a Jewish family, but rather we must help those who have chosen to identify themselves with Judaism to
draw closer to Torah, the study of our inherited wisdom, Avodah - the service of the Holy One in sacredcommunity and Gemilut Chasadim - acts of loving-kindness.
The continuity of the Jewish family is of utmost importance in our ever dwindling population, particularly homes committed to living an engaged Jewish life.
It is our responsibility to help me'karav (bring close) families to the Jewish community, especially those who have been disenfranchised in the past by bigotry or exclusion. Definitions of the Jewish family are firmly based in the living and breathing reality of Jewish people around the world – not on some unrealistic, exclusionary ideal.
It we don’t broaden our definition of the Jewish family, we will continue to alienate Jews from their tradition and drive them away from our communities.
The Rabbis of the Talmud would often use the phrase "pook chazi" (go and see) when determining how laws and cultural practices were to be shaped. This means they would determine parts of Jewish tradition based on what the people in the marketplace and in their homes were doing.
In doing so they opened the tradition up to the modern day realities of their communities and the challenges they faced. Now, more than ever, we must do the same. People who want nothing more than a Jewish home with love, commitment, family and community should find that in our synagogues, schools, summer camps and community centers regardless of their sexual orientation.
We must all commit ourselves to finding creative and inclusive ways to embody this reality, because only then will the Jewish family truly represent the rich tapestry of its members’ diversity.
Elianna Yolkut is a Conservative Rabbi teaching Torah and celebrating Judaism in New York City. You can reach her at www.keepingkavannah.blogspot.com.
