Listen up and listen well: Only transfer will put an end to the long-standing misunderstanding between the two peoples sharing this land! And this week we saw this transfer in action, and it worked.
It began when the first of the two peoples vying for this little piece of land decided after four years that it could not take it anymore. The good, Ashkenazi, civilized, restrained people of Israel decided all at once to leave their cities, living rooms, air-conditioners and flat-screen TVs, and started to wander. Southward initially. And in every community through which their journey passed, more people joined, regardless of religion, race or sex, although they would do well to have short hair and white T-shirts that state "Gilad is still alive" printed in blue.
Somewhere out in the desert, an unpopulated land, a festive occasion awaited this good people: On Monday afternoon, on one of the hills, the Israel Philharmonic Orchestra under the direction of Zubin Mehta played a concert for them.
Dum-da-da-dum! (Beethoven's Fifth ), and the singer Shlomo Artzi, who lost his voice a while back (but anyone who doesn't like it is blatantly not one of us ) were both present at the concert, which was broadcast live to the whole world under the auspices of Reshet, the Channel 2 franchisee, so they can see how civilized and restrained is this people, which released yellow balloons at the end of the concert as a message of peace to Gaza.
The second people that shares this country is, heaven help us, lowlifes and uncivilized beasts. This bad people had the gall, on this festive day, to wait impatiently at home, in their living rooms, in front of their giant plasma screens, for the first episode of the sleazeball series "Ahad Ha'am 101," a sequel to the cult sleazeball series "Ahad Ha'am 1." Shame and disgrace.
What is good about the transfer solution is that it gives each person the freedom to choose which of the two peoples he wishes to tie his fate to. To belong to the sourpusses in the white and blue T-shirts, who attended a live classical music concert in the desert, and as behooved them did not applaud over-enthusiastically - or to belong to those left behind, the sleazeballs, whose Mount Sinai moment is the dreadful, lowbrow, vulgar series "Ahad Ha'am 101."
One overwhelming advantage of belonging to the sleazeball people is that they don't have sourpusses. They make fun of everything and everyone, including the biggest taboo of all - the Holocaust. They make fun of gays and homophobes alike; single moms and multiple moms; repressed women and repressing women.
In short, in the philosophical words of the series' heroine, traffic cop Miri Pascal (Ilan Peled ): "Life is what happens while you rot away in tenement housing with a crippled husband."
Ilan Peled is a genius (as a sleazeball it is permissible to gush ) especially in the way that he, I mean she, Miri Pascal, sticks the Mizrahi "ch" sound in the wrong places, irony upon irony.
In other words, it's the same Miri - the cow from the slums, who underwent a transformation thanks to the generous compensation the Germans paid her after her husband Reuven was killed in a gas explosion and became a respectable lady, but in the words of her former neighbor and current head of the NANA non-profit organization for helping poor sods, who sees Miri give a naked man a blowjob in the hallway of her fancy new building: "You can take the cow out of the slums but you can't take the slums out of the cow."
In "Ahad Ha'am 101," like in "Ahad Ha'am 1," the main theme is - being serious for a moment - our identity. Behind the bursts of laughter hides the message: Let's stop being hypocrites and start being tolerant of each other, no matter what our sexual orientation, or our social, ethnic, religious or national background. As far as the chance of living here together in this country goes, this series is better in my eyes than all the sourpusses' journeys to the desert.
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