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Last update - 13:32 16/06/2008
Battle of the attitude / Israeli girls vs. American Jews
By Marco Greenberg
Tags: American Jews, Jewish World 
There's Israeli archeology, Israeli technology, even Israeli couscous, 'Israeli au pair' seems to be the ultimate oxymoron.

Even the staunchest American Jewish supporters of Israel warned me against it.
"They don't know the first thing about service, plus they're arrogant, rude and self-centered," said one friend.

"I wouldn't trust them with my kids," barked out another.
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The third suggested, "Why don't you hire a girl from Scandinavia or the Philippines instead?"

Israeli archeology, Israeli technology, even Israeli couscous, but mention the term, "Israeli au pair," and it is as if you uttered the ultimate oxymoron.

Skeptics be damned: as an American-Israeli, I was determined to bring a little bit of Israel into our New England home. If these young women had just spent two years in the military, shooting and cleaning an M-16, surely they can change a diaper - unlike the clueless members of the MySpace generation in our neighborhood. Plus, they'll have my kids speaking fluent Hebrew in no time. But, as an added precaution before pulling the trigger (after all, I'm no American "freier", or sucker, in Hebrew slang), I'll have a trusted friend in Israel interview the agency's top candidate, and then I'd grill her over the phone for a final attitude check.

Well, three years and three Israeli au pairs later, with an average stay of 3.3 months, my wife and I licked our collective wounds and recounted our initial impressions of each young woman:

Strike One: N. Seemed really friendly and warm with the kids upon arrival. Okay, so we soon discover she's covered in tattoos, body piercing and likes to party non-stop. What young person doesn't these days?

Strike Two: K. Makes an adorable impression on the phone and from a traditional family who prefers to rest in her room not just on Shabbat but most other days too. Maybe she just has to get used to the cold weather.

Strike Three: M. Very efficient, makes a mean Israeli salad. So, she's 32 and can't drive, and I was relegated to chauffeur duty. Big deal.

So what, you may say; after all, shortcomings like these could describe young people from any country. True enough, and while I will skip the ugly details of the break-ups (sticking your finger in an employer's face does not promote job security), here's the difference. For each young Israeli woman it was their "Israeli attitude" - that is to say, know-it-all, ungrateful, inappropriate, defensive etc. - that overshadowed their positive traits, and in the end proved to be their undoing.

Yet, as the weeks passed by, I must remind myself that I can't let my life-long love of Israel be erased by that trio. Surely, this cultural clash between Israelis and American Jews must be more complex.

In my mind, I can hear my Israeli friends reminding me to be more even-handed: "Marco," they say, "nu, be'emet?" ("Come on, really?")

Would I accuse all American Jews of being spoiled, phony, superficial, naive, tuchus-kissing nudniks? Did I not remember the days when I lived in Israel, sitting in a beit cafe in Jerusalem and reading out loud, and in agreement, from Matti Golan's hyper critical account, "What Israelis Really Think of American Jews"?

What about a new generation of Israelis schooled abroad and speaking perfect and unaccented English and taking the business world by storm? Did I conveniently forget that customer service has actually taken root in Israel, not just in hotels and restaurants, but even with the phone company, Bezek, once a most infamous institution even among battle hardened Israelis. Finally, are not they, my Sabra friends, just as sensitive, polite, introspective and sophisticated (i.e. American) as me?

Pretty compelling stuff, I respond. Am I just self-selecting my friends, I then ask myself, or are the "times a-changing?" To quote a favorite response of Israel's president: "Yes and no."

The contradictions, and animosities, bubble up on both sides of the Atlantic. Many Israelis have now turned the Sabra inside out: sweet on the outside and a tough on the inside - in theory a welcome advancement, except when that polished English is a disguise for that same old Israeli insensitivity and lack of basic consideration. Similarly, many American Jews are publically in awe of Israel's economic and scientific accomplishments and flock to its suddenly popular films, but still admit, privately of course, to "loving the country (Israel), and hating the people."

While training in basic manners and etiquette can still make the average Israeli a lot more likable, perhaps it might erase the last vestiges of the indigenous charm. Images of gruff and macho Israelis, refreshingly direct for people pleasing Americans, would sadly leave our collective memories - and have dire consequences for the country's ability to fight wars not to mention close business deals.

Okay, maybe it's time to admit that many of these stereotypes are both accurate and dated, fair and biased all at the same time - characterizing an entire people is after all a messy business ignoring vast individual differences. On the whole though, I am happy to report that the great cultural divide is showing many signs of narrowing, allowing both American Jews and Israelis to better understand each other.

Perhaps, if we want to speed up the trend, we could tinker with the DNA on each side, adding, let's say, a dose of diplomacy and emotional intelligence for Israelis - honesty and spontaneity for American Jews - all in an effort to engineer the perfect Israeli-American hybrid.

Oh, and the nationality of our current au pair you ask? We decided to do a 180 and go with a German. Stay tuned.

Also by Marco Greenberg on Haaretz.com:
Advice to Ehud Olmert, blogger.

Marco Greenberg, is a communications strategist and co-founder of the new media consultancy Thunder11.

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  1.   Don`t be put off 06:53  |  Dave 16/06/08
  2.   I would have persisted 07:01  |  Rowan 16/06/08
  3.   Israeli au pair attitudes 07:12  |  MF 16/06/08
  4.   you are out of your mind 07:24  |  an american 16/06/08
  5.   Israeli au pairs 08:02  |  Rina 16/06/08
  6.   Understanding of DNA is as limited as your tolerance 08:35  |  Metapelet 16/06/08
  7.   Those are the women who want to leave.... 08:39  |  DF 16/06/08
  8.   bunch of BS 09:00  |  radman 16/06/08
  9.   Poor American Jews 09:15  |  Colin Wright 16/06/08
  10.   Attitude not described correctly 09:22  |  former New Yorker 16/06/08
  11.   A nation of arrogant, unlovable monsters 09:25  |  Clickfool 16/06/08
  12.   #4 Thank you 09:34  |  Brazilian Jew 16/06/08
  13.   to an american 09:45  |  ?able 16/06/08
  14.   #12 of rio. 10:33  |  elsie 16/06/08
  15.   American Jews 10:38  |  Millicent 16/06/08
  16.   Lovable 10:43  |  Gimpel the Fool 16/06/08
  17.   Damned by faint praise 10:58  |  Clickfool 16/06/08
  18.   For clickfool 11:07  |  danalogue 16/06/08
  19.   For Danalogue # 18 11:35  |  Clickfool 16/06/08
  20.   serious 11:39  |  jack 16/06/08
  21.   Au pairs 12:14  |  Naomi 16/06/08
  22.   grossly inaccurate 12:35  |  maya 16/06/08
  23.   The dicrete charm of the American upper middle class.... 12:40  |  Ofer Maimon 16/06/08
  24.   If you think you have problems... 12:55  |  Ben Azai 16/06/08
  25.   Israeli girls 13:21  |  MarkC 16/06/08
  26.   # 23 OFIR YEA, THAT`S WHY EVERY NON AMERICAN WANTS TO COME HERE. 13:35  |  petra 16/06/08
  27.   Clickfool: Do you have any other hobbies? 13:39  |  Adam 16/06/08
  28.   Israeli care givers 13:46  |  Benita 16/06/08
  29.   I was also told not to pick an Israeli au pair 13:53  |  Aphemia 16/06/08
  30.   cultural differences 14:10  |  P. 16/06/08
  31.   #27 Adam from LA, on Clickfool 14:20  |  JonathanInTelAviv 16/06/08
  32.   This article would be more interesting if written by the au pair 14:40  |  Realist 16/06/08
  33.   For clickfool 15:06  |  bus 16/06/08
  34.   For Adam # 27 15:19  |  Clickfool 16/06/08
  35.   Clickfool, you are everywhere!!!! 15:22  |  Jack 16/06/08
  36.   For Jonathan in Tel Aviv 15:22  |  Clickfool 16/06/08
  37.   Stay tuned? For going German? You don`t want to know.... 15:25  |  S 16/06/08
  38.   I wonder what people in Israel would say about American au pairs 15:27  |  Benjamin 16/06/08
  39.   Israeli un-culture 15:36  |  TimothyL 16/06/08
  40.   my observations of au pair 15:53  |  boxley 16/06/08
  41.   Poor Colin Wright 15:59  |  Tex 16/06/08
  42.   Unrealistic 16:41  |  utagawa 16/06/08
  43.   Truth Be Told: Israelis are a rude people 17:03  |  No Manners! 16/06/08
  44.   Israeli attitude 17:20  |  Ronni 16/06/08
  45.   americans have no understanding of other cultures israeli or not 17:21  |  don 16/06/08
  46.   What most of you don`t realize 17:22  |  * BEN JABO 16/06/08
  47.   aur pairs 17:25  |  pingui 16/06/08
  48.   former New Yorker 17:40  |  NO 16/06/08
  49.   Er....pretty much like you, Ben Jabo # 46 18:03  |  Clickfool 16/06/08
  50.   They weren`t fussy 18:28  |  utagawa 16/06/08
  51.   Israeli being rude 18:34  |  Leo 16/06/08
  52.   #39 Timothy 18:51  |  S 16/06/08
  53.   S #51 to #39: Do you pretend to be S? And you saw me at # 37! 19:02  |  S 16/06/08
  54.   How about the American Employers? 19:44  |  bb 16/06/08
  55.   TimothyL - is only your culture a real culture? 19:49  |  ZISD 16/06/08
  56.   Clickfool and Reality 19:57  |  ZISD 16/06/08
  57.   To # 4 An American 20:01  |  David 16/06/08
  58.   Ronni bad judgement 20:08  |  British Nanny 16/06/08
  59.   Jew myself,I`m ashamed of the author 20:43  |  Ben 16/06/08
  60.   Aupairs and nannies 21:36  |  Sherlock Holmes 16/06/08
  61.   For Utagawa # 50 21:44  |  Clickfool 16/06/08
  62.   Sick of Clickfool 21:51  |  Maia 16/06/08
  63.   Clickfool, congratulations! 21:55  |  Eddie 16/06/08
  64.   Maia ... just consider who he is 22:11  |  Daniel 16/06/08
  65.   It was easy, Eddie # 63 22:20  |  Clickfool 16/06/08
  66.   How do Americans fare ? 22:24  |  Daniel 16/06/08
  67.   Jewish Girls less discriminating than British Girls? 22:40  |  dyinglikeflies 16/06/08
  68.   Not to wreck the party... 22:51  |