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Family Affair: The Sheffers, Tivon By Reli and Avner Avrahami Tags: Family Affair W The cast: Amit (25) and Ophir Sheffer (26). W The date: Just married. W Surname: "We are the first couple in history in which the husband changed his name." According to Amit (formerly Rochberger), Ophir was dead set against changing her maiden name. They could have gone with Sheffer-Rochberger, but he rejects hyphenated surnames in principle. "So I went with it. Everyone picks his battles." Advertisement W Reactions: "My parents took it well," Amit says. "It was actually Ophir's parents who had a hard time with it." "They're Polish, you know," she says. W The home: Rented (NIS 2,000 a month), ground floor, three-story building, white stucco, surrounded by greenery. The entrance is from the back via a sloping, shaded walkway that descends from street level to a yard full of lemon trees, pines and fresh herbs. "Life here is a romantic comedy," a sign on the door says. We enter. W Entering: The first thing we want to know is why there is such heavy traffic. It turns out that we have arrived on an "artists' Shabbat," when creative townspeople open their homes to the public. "People sell anthroposophic toys," Ophir says. We embark on the tour to the sounds of Hebrew music (103 FM). W The tour: The small, old apartment (about 60 square meters) has a hall (with beige wallpaper) and three rooms. To the right is a living room, to the left a kitchen, and further on are two rooms for sleeping and working. We enter the bathroom. W The bathroom: On the wall are two small Klimt reproductions, on the floor within arm's reach is a collection of poems by Yehuda Amichai. Back to the living room. W The living room: The sofa is wrapped in cloth ("from the previous tenants"), on the sideboard is a small television set ("We're not connected [to cable TV]"), on the wall are oil paintings (by Ophir), in the center is a second-hand table on which some squeezed orange juice is waiting. A peek into the kitchen reveals pink cupboards, electric burners (on a computer stand), a narrow refrigerator, a poster (showing a happy woman worker) and a stack of gifts. W Gifts: "We asked people not to give checks," they say. The older guests couldn't handle the request; the younger ones were creative. There's an example in the bedroom. W The bedroom: On the double bed are pillowcases bearing the likenesses of the newlyweds (a gift from Sharon and Moran, their good friends). They also received an espresso machine, a "Sex and the City" DVD collection and six ("You heard right") picnic baskets. There is one room to go. W One room: A study. Next to a bookcase that contains, ecumenically, Maimonides, Nachmanides and S. Yizhar, is a mountain bike (Amit's) and a computer whose screensaver shows a photo of Amit and Arnold, both dozing. W Arnold: Their beloved dog, now being looked after by Ophir's parents until after the honeymoon (three nights in Mitzpeh Lavon, near Carmiel). W Occupations (and livelihoods): Ophir is a second-year student at the Oranim School of Education, taking social-community education courses ("Everything that goes on after school"), art ("some history, some practical") and gender studies. W Gender studies: "Mostly research of the culture that gave rise to the principal roles of the sexes; in other words, why I am in a skirt and he is in pants." She is currently busy with a seminar on the subject of "whether Madonna's video clips hinder or advance feminist messages" ("Both"). She also works with pre-army 18-year-olds from Tivon - the finest of our youth, she says. She has classes four days a week and works on Tuesdays and in the afternoons, getting around in a red 2001 Peugeot 206 ("It's for sale"). W Amit's occupations: Also attends Oranim, where he is taking Jewish thought and literature; he doesn't have a job. W Jewish thought: "That's the only thing that interests me. I have a passion for it." He took literature, he says, because a second major was required. He has classes five days a week (sometimes until 7 P.M.), with lots of Maimonides and kabbala, and also Amichai and Ravikovitch. When he grows up, he says, he will be a father, a house-husband and a teacher ("in elementary school"). W His bio: Born in Gedera, 1982, to a secular family, both parents are native born; he is the elder of two children. His father imports pumps, his mother is a special-education teacher. Attended elementary school in Nes Tziona, high school in Gedera, and before army service did a preparatory year (secular) on Kibbutz Ma'ayan Baruch ("I felt that my high school studies were not enough"). An encounter with a teacher in the pre-army year piqued his curiosity about Jewish texts. W A teacher: Dudu Palma from Kibbutz Kfar Hanassi ("who taught us how to ask questions"). Amit sees nothing special about his propensity for Jewish thought ("I don't understand why others don't study it"). Nor does he want to be labeled "newly religious." We drop it. W Bio (cont.): Served in the Nahal paramilitary brigade, becoming an officer in the engineering unit. Afterward backpacked in Burma ("I did not notice any special tension there"). Upon his return to Israel spent three months in a yeshiva in the settlement of Efrat ("That was what I needed") and hiked the Israel Trail ("mostly alone") from Eilat to Rosh Pina, finishing in the summer of 2006. The Lebanon War then erupted immediately thereafter, and he went to Safed to coordinate volunteers in bomb shelters. Later that summer he moved to Nesher, a Haifa suburb ("Housing is cheap there") and began his studies at Oranim. He first met Ophir in 2005, during his military service, but they did not have a relationship until two years later, in Oranim, where they met anew. W Ophir's bio: Born on Tel Nof airbase, the youngest of four children. Her parents now live in Moshav Bitzaron, near Gedera. Her father, Major General (res.) Gideon Sheffer, a pilot and former head of the army's Personnel Directorate, works for Elbit, the electronics defense manufacturer. Her mother, now retired, was a secretary in the food plant of the Yavneh Group. Ophir has fond memories of her childhood, which was marked by multiple moves from one air force base to another ("It was like living on kibbutz"). After attending elementary and high school in Be'er Tuvia, she did her military service as a flight inspector. W Flight inspector: "Girls usually don't do that," she says. They have problems in the area of "spatial vision," she notes, and also naturally recoil from a deep voice over the two-way radio. She did not have those problems. With a major-general daddy, she says, no officer was going to make her uptight. W Bio (cont.): After completing her service in 2002, she worked as a coordinator in the Bnei Hamoshavim youth movement (blue shirts, red laces), backpacked for 10 months in Central and South America, and after returning, in May 2004, worked with moshav youth before entering Oranim in 2006. W The meeting: They first met at the end of 2005. Ophir was living at home, after her trip, and Amit was an army officer. A mutual friend (from her moshav and his unit) persuaded him that they were a match. Amit sent an SMS ("Very cool") and the two went on a first date, "which did not take off into a relationship." She started work, he faded into the army - until their paths crossed in Tivon. W From friendship to relationship: "Both of us had something unresolved," Ophir says. The initial timing was off, she notes ("I wasn't available emotionally and he wasn't available physically"). When she saw him at college, she said to herself, "Ah, he's going to school here." In any event, their friendship flourished thanks to Arnold, their dog, the image on the screensaver. W Marriage proposal: During a traffic jam on Highway 6 ("opposite Tul Karm"). Amit asked her if she would be into it and she said yes. They have been living together in their present place since the summer of 2007. W The wedding: "Intimate" - 120 guests, on the lawn of her parents' home in Bitzaron. A banquet hall was not an option. Ophir: "I wanted a place I love and people we know." The invitation contained a note about departures from the usual style, including a "mutual exchange of rings" and the breaking of the glass in the middle of the ceremony instead of at the end. Despite the rigorous briefing, the deejay mistakenly pressed the "play" button when the glass was shattered ("Top of the World" by the Carpenters) and got a smoldering look from the bride. She wore a gray dress (NIS 5,000); he was attired in a pink polo shirt and gray pants. The food was dairy and there was a booth of Iceberg (a Tel Aviv ice-cream shop). W Household chores: They house clean once every two or three weeks ("together"). Ophir launders, Amit folds. They do not have a cleaning person ("We will have one when we earn a salary"). They admit that neither of them is wild about cleaning. W Going out: A cafe in the center of Tivon. Amit: "I don't want to introduce eating out of the house into the daily schedule." W Romance: "Bourekas in the park with Arnold." W Quarrels and making up: "We are able to stop and tell ourselves why we are here." W Demographic target: Six children. W Career vs. motherhood: "There is no dilemma: Amit stays with the children" (Ophir). W Real estate target: In the end, something in the Gedera area ("Close to the parents and also far enough away from them"). They are thinking hard about which community they will want to live in. W The community: A paramount question of principle. They say it will be a community exclusively of educators, who will be able to offer one another mutual support. "The teachers' room is the loneliest place in the world," Ophir says. "Our concept is to invest in empowering the place of those who are engaged in education." In the meantime, they are working vigorously to establish a students' village in Upper Nazareth. W State of Israel: "We will yet be a light unto the gentiles" (Amit); Ophir believes in a peace involving two states for two nations. W God: Amit - "I believe"; Ophir - "Not always." W Organ donor card: They both have one. W Happiness quotient (scale of 1-10): 9 - both of them. Bookmark to del.icio.us   Say what you want French court: Claim that Al-Dura tape doctored isn`t libelous. Peace in our time Olmert: Peace talks with Syria are a 'national duty'.

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