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It's either the cat or me By Rivi Ronen They have been in negotiations for over 10 years but have yet to reach an agreement. G., 33, wants a cat - but his partner refuses. He loves "the cat's wild and entertaining behavior," as he puts it. She worries about it jumping on the marble countertops in the kitchen and on the living room furniture. He remembers the cat in his parents' house, which comforted him in his childhood during difficult moments: "When I needed warmth and love and an attentive ear, he was always there." More than once or twice, he pleaded with his partner to get a cat, to no avail. In the past, they considered adopting a dog, but then had second thoughts. "You have to walk it, make an effort, worry that he won't run into the street; that's too much work for lazy slobs like us." The dream of getting a cat, though, lingered. Last week, there was a sudden breakthrough in the talks: She suggested getting a cat from an animal welfare organization and being a foster family for a limited amount of time. "Her condition was that the cat be kept in the office; no visits to the bedroom. This arrangement sounded pretty strange, but on second thought, it's a pretty large room and could be arranged so that the cat wouldn't be miserable. Advertisement "If she likes the cat in the end and wants to pet it, I'll be happy," he says. Some people wait for what seems like forever before being allowed to bring a pet home. "I come from a home where for three generations there were no pets," says M., 55. "When my kids got older, after 22 years of marriage, I decided that I needed to break the mold and fill my life with creatures that I could raise and love." For all those years, the idea of taking in a cat popped into her mind occasionally, "but my husband would say, 'it's either a cat or me.' Seven years ago, when the time for the idea was ripe, he consented. How did she manage to convince him? "I said I'd take care of it, that with a cat you don't have to go for a walk like with a dog, and that if you pet a cat it lowers your blood pressure." Three weeks after they took in the first street cat, she decided that, "for the same work, we could bring in another cat," and so they took in a companion for the cat, "who turned out to be the love of our lives." A year later, she says, "I asked my husband, 'would you ever have believed that you would kiss a cat?' And he admitted that he wouldn't have. Now there are three cats in the house, but "only two sleep in our bed. There's a limit." "You could see pets as component of a relationship, like work, a hobby, or a friend of one partner," says Dr. Irit Yanir, a couple and family therapist and a lecturer at the University of Haifa's department of human development. "Usually, it's a positive addition, but sometimes there is a clash of desires. In such a situation, the one who wants to change the status quo and take in a pet has to obtain the consent of the other partner. "As in other conflicts in a relationship, each of the partners should express his emotional needs openly and listen well to the other side," continues Yanir. "The objective is to discuss the conflict in a focused way, without any blows below the belt, so that the spotlight is on the issue and not on the person. Say, for example, 'it's important for me to raise a dog, explain to me why it's hard for you' and don't think, 'he always does something to spite me.'" "If the woman says, for example, 'I will have a litter box and there will be hair everywhere and the cat will climb on the couches and I won't have that,' I think it's possible to understand her. If there is a possibility of raising the cat in the yard that could perhaps be a compromise. But if the pet requires a major change in lifestyle, and places a burden on the partner, you cannot force him/her to accept it. "If they don't manage to reach an agreement, there is no choice but to give up on the dream. It is, after all, not like a hobby that eats up time and a lot of money, but there are ways of reducing the investment made in it. For example, it is possible to go to a class once a week instead of three times a week. If you bring a dog inside the house, there is no end to it; it's something all-embracing." In conflict management, one should also consider this third component, which may fall between the chairs. For example, Bubbles, a three-year-old dog that lived with her owner until the latter got married. Because the new spouse did not agree to let Bubbles stay in the house, she was transferred to the yard and tied to a leash. After the couple had twins, the spouse did not want the dog roaming around the children. In the end, the wife left Bubbles at the Tza'ar Ba'alei Haim shelter in Jerusalem. Bubbles stopped eating and "was so skinny that you could study anatomy on her," says one of the volunteers. After she ate portions of boiled chicken everyday and got a lot of attention, she gained weight and went back to being a warm and friendly dog. She lives with a foster family for the time being. The conflict that troubled Bubbles' owners was indeed resolved, but probably more successful ways of doing so could have been found. Who's afraid of fireworks? Many dogs start running the minute they hear fireworks. Some of them return home, others disappear never to return. Dr. Itzik Semina, the chairman of the Veterinarians Association, recommends not taking the dog to fireworks displays on Independence Day. Instead, leave the dog at home and seal off the exits, or even lock him up in a room so that he'll feel safe. Turn on the television or the radio to blur the sound of fireworks exploding nearby. Anyone who finds a stray dog should take him to a veterinarian (private or municipal) to read the electronic chip implanted in him and locate its owner. The SOS animal rights group will hold an adoption event on Friday, May 16, from 11 A.M.-3 P.M. in Tel Aviv's Begin Park, adjacent to the Hatikvah neighborhood. Around 30 dogs will be released from the Tel Aviv municipal dog pound and transferred to the park, where dozens of students will be waiting. There will also activities and crafts workshops. For more information, call: (03) 744-1010. Bookmark to del.icio.us   Shimon goes green Peres says to fight terror Israel should reduce its dependence on oil. Voices of heroism IDF releases audio recordings from famed 1976 Entebbe raid.

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