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Family affair / By Reli and Avner Avrahami W The cast: Leon (60), Carmela (56), Dana (19). W The home: A cream-colored, 11-story apartment building, 48 families, landscaped, rock garden, marble lobby, video on the intercom. They have been here since 1998 ("Before that we rented"), paying $320,000 ("without a mortgage"), for which they got about 105 square meters ("depending on who you ask"). The apartment has a living room, kitchen, three other rooms (one a fortified security space), a double bathroom and a balcony that overlooks a Bahai-type park with aqueduct, lawn and trimmed hedges. A well-kept maroon elevator takes us up to the seventh floor. We enter. Advertisement W Entering: On the right is a peach-colored living room. Directly ahead is an orange-ish niche with a shelf holding small sculpted horses and dolphins, and a glass cabinet with delicate figurines. They designed the apartment with the help of an architect ("but we changed the standards"). W Design: The gray corner sofa is from Kibbutz Gaash, the red leather armchair is from the Rishon Letzion industrial zone ("I asked for maroon and got this" - Carmela), the long, low cabinet was built by a carpenter from Holon. Almost everything is on wheels - there are no carpets - and there are a lot of pull-out drawers. Carmela: "We adapted everything for Dana's needs." W Dana's needs: Dana is a cerebral palsy victim as a result of brain damage during birth. Born in the sixth month and weighing 900 grams ("less than a bag of sugar"), she has mobility difficulties and is aided by a walker. The rough floor makes movement easier for her. The tour continues. W The tour: The parents' bedroom contains a floral bedspread and a security citation ("To Lieutenant Colonel Leon Marom"). Then comes a corridor ("a little wider than the standard one") that leads to a study in which is an ironed uniform on a hanger and to Dana's room, which has a western view, toward Tel Aviv. Her room contains a blue bed, a long desk, a computer, chains of beads and a newspaper clipping in which she appears in a photograph with the chief of staff. W Chief of staff: Dana met the chief of staff, Gabi Ashkenazi, last year. More below. W Livelihoods and occupations: Leon is a systems analyst, formerly in the career army, now an external consultant to the air force, working five to six days a week and traveling back and forth (to the Kirya, the Defense Ministry compound in Tel Aviv) in a Citroen C4, leased for him by the Archisoft company. His work involves dealing with command and control systems, and he likes it. W Carmela: "I 'work' at doing errands." From the day Dana was born Carmela has focused all her attention solely on her ("She is my life project"). In the distant past she was a legal secretary. As part of her "project" she does volunteer work for Kehila Negisha (Accessible Community), an association whose goal is "to improve the quality of life of disabled people in the public arena." Now that Dana is not at home, she says, she is in a transition to a different type of life, and is planning to study education at Ramat Gan College. W Dana: Soldier, serving at the Golani infantry brigade training base in the North as an assistant service-conditions noncom. She was inducted two and a half months ago, did a type of basic training (five days), which was called a "survival week," within the framework of Etgarim, an association for the disabled ("I was the outstanding cadet"). There were 30 participants in her group, all wheelchair-ridden or using walkers. Her aspiration is to be a "real service-conditions noncom," but for the time being she is doing what she is told. W What she is told: "For example, to call the noncoms and tell them all kinds of things, or to photocopy documents." W Food: "Do you really want to know? Pretty poor." She is revolted, she says, by sausages and by birds that fly freely between the tables ("Yuck"). The soldiers' attitude toward her is "terrific," she says. She is home almost every Shabbat; she spends one weekend a month in the residence of the Knafayim Association. W Knafayim (Wings): Dana's army service is combined with activity that prepares CP victims to lead an independent life. Her service is divided into two parts. In the mornings she is on the base, and from midday she is at the association's facility in Moshav Bustan Hagalil, where she has a room, friends, jobs, activities and entertainment ("We went to the Nahariya-Hapoel Jerusalem [basketball] game"). W Carmela's bio: Israeli-born, 1952, nee Shemesh, has four siblings ("I am the sandwich"). Her parents immigrated from Iraq in 1951 to Ramatayim transit camp, and she spent her childhood in Herzliya. Her late father worked for Israel Military Industries ("In Iraq he was a tailor who made suits for English officers"); her mother was a laundress at the Sharon Hotel. Attended religious elementary and high schools until she rebelled at the age of 18, did army service ("a super experience"), afterward toured "classical" Europe, attended Levinsky Teachers College ("early education"), lived with her parents, later rented a place, and was married at the age of 35. W Chapter I: She met her future (first) husband at a singles party; their marriage lasted two years, and Dana was born prematurely. After she realized she would have to devote her whole life to her daughter, she discovered that she did not have a partner and got a divorce ("He was not suited to the task"). She felt very much alone as a single parent. At the end of that year (1992) she met Leon. W Leon: Born in Katowice, Poland, 1948, to Holocaust survivors who fled to the Soviet Union when the Germans invaded Poland and returned afterward. His parents were dedicated communists who "saw the light" after Stalin's death and immigrated to Israel in 1968. Leon was then 20 and had completed one year in university, as a mathematics major. The student demonstrations of 1968, which struck Poland, too, generated an unexpected anti-Semitic wave, he says ("Until then I was sure I was a Pole"). In Israel the family was accommodated in an Amidar (public housing) apartment in Holon. Leon spent a year on Kibbutz Merhavia before continuing his mathematics studies at Tel Aviv University, obtaining an undergraduate degree. He then joined the army, serving 23 years as a computer person in the air force and meeting his first wife. And his second. W His first and second: His first marriage lasted 14 years and produced three children: Michal, Yuval and Dorit. The couple was divorced in 1985 ("incompatibility"). Two years later he remarried and he fathered a son, Ron. W Serial divorcer: "I really don't know why this happened. I am very domestic, not an 'adventurer' and very calculated in what I do." He is in close touch with his children, who are scattered around the world, even making trips to Australia. He describes his relations with his two ex-wives as excellent: "When we meet we kiss and so forth." Carmela: "'And so forth?'" W Leon-Carmela meeting: September 1992. She was divorced plus one, he was divorced plus four. They connected via an ad and met in Ramat Gan, across from the Orda Cinema. It was the eve of Yom Kippur ("a short day"); they thought the meeting would last half an hour, but they talked for four hours ("without realizing it"). They started living together in January 1993, when Dana was three, and have been together ever since ("the longest relationship I've ever had," Leon says). W Dana-Leon: She calls him "Dad" after starting with "Leon" and moving to "Dad Leon." Leon says that her disability was never a problem for him: "On the contrary, life with Dana is full of satisfaction." In a letter to her (which is framed, on the wall), he wrote: "There is no one like you in the whole world." W Dana's bio: Attended a special-education school in the Tel Aviv area, but often felt adjustment difficulties. In the end she completed high school in Tsahala, an affluent Tel Aviv suburb, and passed a few matriculation exams, such as Land of Israel Studies ("I got 98") and English ("I got 90+"), supported at every step by ILAN, an association that assists children with disabilities. Carmela: "ILAN is our mommy and daddy - the transportation, the enrichment groups, the outings. It adds up to a ton of money." W The draft: After high school she decided that she had to serve ("like all my friends"). She went with Carmela to the National Induction Center at Tel Hashomer 10 times ("We have a Hyundai H1 van from the National Insurance Institute"), but to no avail. She could have done the national service route, but insisted on serving in uniform. She was on the verge of despair, but a turning point occurred at a Hanukkah candle-lighting ceremony in the Kirya. W Turning point: Dana put her request directly to the chief of staff, and Lieutenant General Gabi Ashkenazi told her, "Consider yourself inducted - I have proteksia [connections] at Shraga" - referring to the Golani Brigade's base for new recruits. W Sleeping away from home: "I cried a lot," she says. "In fact, I still do." W Dana's daily routine: Gets up at 6, dresses ("by myself"), has a cup of hot chocolate ("which I make") and some pancakes ("if I have time"), and leaves for the base at 8 ("by organized transportation"). She returns to her quarters (in Bustan Hagalil) at midday and for lunch has schnitzel, pasta with sauce and rice ("We prepare the food"). After lunch she has riding, swimming or a trip to town ("a free evening"), with lights out at 11. W Army salary: NIS 400, which she spends on movies, pizzas and popcorn. W Going home: Always by train, where the "accessibility," she says, is "lousy." Dana: "Today someone from my group fell off the platform and soldiers picked her up." W Music, etc.: Dana likes Eyal Golan and Sarit Hadad, Carmela goes for Arik Einstein and Shlomo Artzi, and Leon mostly likes bridge ("We have had a foursome since 1975"). W God: Carmela and Dana believe, Leon doesn't. W Dreams: "To see Dana raise a family" - Carmela; "for my whole family to gather in Israel" - Leon; "to learn English in England" - Dana. About having a family of her own she says: "That's too far away." W Happiness quotient (scale of 1-10): Leon - 8; Carmela - 8; Dana - 5. W Update: Dana was transferred to Nahariya. Of her new situation she says, "Ideally, it will be good." Bookmark to del.icio.us   Carter's contacts Report: Ex-U.S. president Carter to meet with Hamas leader in Syria. Warning shouts Officer: Palestinians warned Israelis of terrorist infiltration.

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