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Hope for building a new year
By Benjamin Lau

The Sabbath between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur is Shabbat Teshuvah, the Sabbath of Repentance. In the day's haftarah, the Prophet Hosea calls upon the Kingdom of Israel to return to God. This chapter presents a formula of repentance for individuals and entire societies: "O Israel, return unto the Lord thy God; for thou hast fallen by thine iniquity. Take with you words, and turn to the Lord" (Hosea 14:1-2).

The structure of repentance is clear. In the initial stage, you must recognize your errors. This is the critical moment, when you stand before the mirror, look yourself straight in the eye and admit your errors. Although this is meant to be the first step, for many, it is also the last. Our mechanism of denial is powerful. Instead of admitting our failures, we whitewash them with excuses. Tremendous willpower is required to sober-mindedly examine our sins. Most members of modern society try to avoid confronting their sins and the guilt feelings this confrontation produces.

In one of his stories, Franz Kafka describes life in modern society: We are taking a walk at night. The streets are deserted. Suddenly we see in the distance (because the street slopes upward and there is a full moon) someone running toward us. We do not try to catch him even if he is weak and dressed in rags and even if a second person is pursuing him and shouting at him. Instead, we let this first person run past us.

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Kafka then describes the inner conversation we subsequently conduct with ourselves to explain why we did not get involved and try to grab hold of the man running toward us: We are not responsible for the road sloping upward or the full moon. Besides, perhaps this chase is just a game; perhaps both men are chasing a third man for no particular reason; perhaps the first man wants to murder the second, and, by seizing the latter, we will become party to a murder; and so on. An entire series of "perhaps" fills Kafka's story, together with arguments and explanations intended to liberate us from what we saw with our own eyes. The story ends with an immense feeling of happiness when both men disappear from our v iew.

This is a jarringly precise depiction of how we confront, and ultimately ignore, our moral and ethical obligations. We arm ourselves with a million excuses, all of which, however, express deep-seated guilt feelings. Our conscience stops bothering us only when we no longer see the man being pursued. The threatening reality passes and we are relieved. Generally, a network of defensive positions and excuses shunts aside our guilt feelings. These devices for concealing the truth prevent us from embarking on the path to repentance; they blur the central question. To enter the world of repentance, we need greater courage, and we cannot enter it without "awareness of our sins."

The second stage is confession, when we analyze our failures and seek to return to our proper, natural state. The confession is not just a request for forgiveness for past actions; it is also a decision to mend our ways in the future.

However, here as well, a major stumbling block faces us in our path toward repentance. Strong motivation can be eroded quickly. We all make "New Year's resolutions" (rededicating ourselves to a program of Jewish studies, going on a diet, treating our parents or children better, etc.). We chalk up the resolutions and also many memories of failing to implement them in the long run. Discussing the laws governing repentance ("Mishneh Torah," Chapter 2, Jewish Law 2), Maimonides tries to tackle the problem of New Year's resolutions, whose formulation is one stage in the repentance process and also a major stumbling block when we try to mend our ways: "What is repentance? It means abandoning our sins, removing them from our minds, resolving that we will never commit them again, expressing regret for past conduct, and calling on God the Omniscient to serve as witness that we will never commit those sins again. We must recite our confession out loud and make these above statements signifying our solemn decision."

According to Maimonides, it is not enough to just repent. He adds the words, "calling on God the Omniscient to serve as witness." In other words, after deciding to embark on a new path of conduct, we must call on God to serve as witness to our resolve. The source for this view can be found in midrashic literature. In the "Pesikta derav kahana," we read: "The Jews say to God: 'Master of the Universe, if we repent, who will be our witness?' God replies, 'I will be your witness,' as it is written, 'O Israel, return unto the Lord thy God' - the vowelization of the word ad (unto) can be altered and the word read aid (witness), rendering the phrase 'your witness, the Lord thy God.'"

Even after solemnly resolving to never repeat our sins and to turn over a new leaf, we have still done nothing. Thoughts about acting properly, about improving our actions, can vanish like a passing cloud. What will lead us to actually mend our ways? Maimonides answers: "We must recite our confession out loud and make these above statements signifying our solemn decision." To internalize our New Year's resolutions and actually implement them, we must face our ego, expressing our thoughts out loud. By audibly stating our thoughts and ideas, we take the first step toward implementing our resolution. We should recite our confession out loud throughout the year, but especially during the High Holy Days; one of the functions of reciting our confession out loud is to reinvigorate and renew our lives.

The year's cyclical structure is intended to prevent us from getting into a rut, from adopting a long, drawn-out, boring routine. This special period of the year is an opportunity for examining systems. Its role is to create a program dedicated to the correction of past misconduct and to the launching of a new era of proper behavior, reflecting our intention of courageously confronting past mistakes and seeking, with immense hope, to learn from them so we can build a better, brighter year.
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