A year ago, I found myself pondering at length in front of the computer keyboard, writing, deleting, rewriting and so forth, until at last I arrived at the text I wanted. The reason for all the trial-and-error was not a creative block, or an attempt to refine some text ad infinitum, or to ensure that it was perfectly calibrated in terms of longing and lightness. The question, rather, was whether the means were appropriate to the end.

That morning I had learned of the death of a person whom I held in very high regard, with whom I had maintained a modicum of friendly relations, and whose son I also knew fleetingly. In ordinary circumstances, I would have gone to the funeral or paid a condolence call to the family. However, I had missed the funeral, and the death notice requested explicitly: Please refrain from paying condolence visits.

Thus I found myself looking at what I thought was the perfect condolence letter, but wondering whether to click on "Send." Choosing the other option - to ignore the request in the newspaper notice, if only by making a phone call - would, I thought, mean inflicting a hardship on the mourners. The only way left to express my feelings, then, was by sending an e-mail.