Family affair / Debbie Goodrich - Haaretz

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Thu., August 09, 2007 Av 25, 5767

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Family affair / Debbie Goodrich

By Avner and Reli Avrahami

Kfar Hayam, Givat Olga

W The cast: Debbie (51) and her children, Gil (18) and Sarah (17), who are visiting and will spend the night at her place.

W The home: Vacation apartment in Givat Olga (Hadera), three rooms plus security space (total of 76 square meters), landscaped, orange stucco, multi-balconied, view to the sea, also serves as permanent lodgings.

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W Permanent lodgings: Mainly for singles who are looking for "Chapter II" against a background of waves, salty air and creeping corrosion. Debbie (now single) has lived here since October 2006, alone, renting ($600 a month in shekels), second floor (in building No. 5) with a magnetic card and various perks (included in the rent).

W Included in the rent: Two swimming pools (one covered), gym, Jacuzzi, central barbecue area ("Everyone fans the flames in his own section"), amphitheater and spectacular beach.

W Real estate: Apartments sell for $120,000 (in shekels) plus $300-$400 a month for maintenance.

W Veteran Olga residents: "The relations are flimsy," Debbie says. "You see them on Shabbat. I have lived here half a year and haven't yet even been to Hadera."

W Entering: On the other side of the front door is a small living room, which terminates in a white balcony, a blue sea and three huge chimneys (the nearby power station). The small space contains straw furniture, a light sofa, a sewing machine that has become a decorative table, a New Age library ("Self-Awareness," "Upgrading the Soul"), a plywood piece of art on the wall (by her friend, Tanya Bonner) and a table for two at which Debbie never eats ("I also don't cook"). Standing motionless in the adjacent mini-kitchen are a microwave oven, a toaster, an electric stove-top, and a jar of granola ("It's hard to get fat from that"). On to the rooms.

W The rooms: In Debbie's bedroom, next to the double bed (which is covered with a pastel cloth) is a glass table, a small sculpture of Buddha and a pinkish lump of salt which melts slowly in the general dampness. In the other room is a green sofa that opens into a bed (for the children when they visit) and a bulletin board with wishes pinned to it.

W Wishes: Debbie has pinned to the board a Lotto ticket (an NIS 50-million draw), a photograph of a car, and the image of a man ("Someone to live with").

W Livelihoods and occupations: Debbie is a teacher in a nursery school ("a holistic kindergarten"), which is located at Neurim (a boarding school next to Beit Yanai, along the coast), where she is in charge of five children.

W Holistic kindergarten: "It has a lot of soul," she says, but no dairy products ("That's poison") or sugar. Instead children are served whole rice, lentils, couscous, tahini, halvah and date spread (instead of chocolate spread). "All the teachers," she says, "are women with an 'approach.'" During the day she does a great deal of kissing and hugging, "and that's fun." She works a five-day week (7 A.M. to 4 P.M.), traveling back and forth in a Peugeot 405 ("20 years old"), which she received as a gift from a former boss. She always has start-up cables (for emergencies) and recites a prayer for the well-being of the engine.

W Children: Gil lives with his father (Debbie's ex) in Misgav Dov (a village near Gedera). He has completed his matriculation exams and was about to go to a Scouts camp where he is projects coordinator ("We built a six-meter-high worm"). He will begin his army service in November ("I'm waiting for an answer from the Paratroops") and in the meantime is doing a pre-induction training course for combat soldiers (NIS 200 a month).

W Sarah: Also with her dad, will enter 11th grade at the high school in Kibbutz Givat Brenner, majoring in graphic design ("I have a problem with mathematics"). Like her brother, she is also a counselor in the Scouts.

W Sam: The eldest, 24, not in the photo, is in Manchester, selling cosmetics at booths in malls. He did his army service in the Paratroops and is now looking for his path in life.

W Debbie's bio: Born in 1955 in Kenton, London ("not far from Golders Green") to a traditional Jewish family. She has two younger brothers (one is a pilot for British Airways, the other a real estate agent, and both are fans of Arsenal). Her mother is a housewife; her late father was one of the first British soldiers who entered Auschwitz. Until seventh grade she attended the Mount Stewart school, where children were punished by being hit on the hands with a stick ("and sometimes on the bottom"). She went on to high school at Kingsbury and hated every minute of it, finally dropping out for a life of "freedom and love" at the end of 10th grade (1972).

W Freedom and love: She worked in a children's clothing store, saved up money and with a backpack went off to tour Europe by bus and train. A year later she returned home and at her father's advice went to Israel ("after the Yom Kippur War"), staying at Kibbutz Kfar Hanassi ("with English speakers"). There she fell in love with a volunteer from Scotland, went back to England with him and split up with him before she reached the marrying stage ("the relations cooled"). A few months later she returned to Israel, this time to Kibbutz Ma'agan Michael, on the Mediterranean ("my second home"), where she met Benny ("a terrific hunk of a Yemenite"), traveled with him to Japan, worked as a bar hostess ("horrible"), went on to the United States, decided that the experience had played itself out, went home to London, met Ian, an ad man ("the son of friends of my parents") and married him in a traditional wedding in a synagogue "on Upper Berkeley Street" (August 1981).

W Married life: In 1986, she and Ian immigrated to Israel ("Let's say it was because of Zionism"). After stints in Ashkelon and Rehovot, they moved to a spacious home (300 square meters) in Misgav Dov, and in 1989, when Ian received a business offer he couldn't refuse, she accompanied him to London, only to discover (a year later) that the business was not actually a success story. The couple (by now with two children) returned to Israel, wandered for six years among Gedera area communities (Shdema, Mishar, Kfar Mordechai, Misgav Dov). Happiness was not their lot. Then, in 1999, came the workshop and everything changed.

W The workshop: Debbie signed up for "Outlook," a self-awareness workshop in Tel Aviv, and then for an "Essence" workshop on Kibbutz Harel, where, she says, she gleaned new insight into her life.

W New insight: "I decided to get a divorce." She understood, she says, how bad her life had been until then: "Ian is a delightful person, a fantastic father, but I didn't love him." She grasped that she had the power to change. To do it by herself.

W By herself: They were divorced in 2001 ("We didn't fight; everything went smoothly"). She moved to Moshav Mishar (with the children), he stayed in the old house and found a new love. Her independent life was not easy: She was unemployed and the economic distress began to have psychological repercussions. In the end, she left the children with Ian (close to schools and friends) and went to seek her future in a new place ("I felt all right with myself").

W The son speaks: "I cried," Gil says, recalling what he felt when he learned about his parents' divorce. "What now, I thought. We didn't pay attention to quarrels between them, we weren't part of that, and it came like a bolt out of the blue. Today I think things are better for both of them."

W Sadness: "Always," says Gil, "but I have no illusion that they will get back together."

W New place: Debbie moved to Netanya ("Too much") and then further north, at a friend's suggestion, to Givat Olga, which captivated her ("It was love at first sight"). The next day she found the job in the nursery school.

W Daily routine: She gets up early, around 5:30 A.M., makes herself a cup of instant coffee with organic milk ("without preservatives and antibiotics"), sits on the balcony, listens to the roar of the waves, then checks to see if she has any messages on JDate ("I'm Debbie 998"). Then she gets dressed ("casually"), goes for a walk on the beach, and at 7, jumper cables in hand, heads for the car ("'Thank you for starting,' I tell it"). Ten minutes later she's at Neurim and opens the nursery school "with a very happy heart." At 8:30 A.M., she joins the children for breakfast (whole-wheat bread, salad, tahini), and at lunchtime will eat pasta and cooked vegetables with them. The parents show up at 4 P.M., and Debbie parts from each child with a kiss and a hug before heading home.

W Additional livelihoods: Twice a week she gives private lessons in English to small children ("great fun"). On Tuesdays ("my day off") she goes to visit Gil and Sarah at their father's place.

W Evening: Debbie is on the balcony in Peach, the neighborhood cafe, where she will sip cool Chardonnay wine and dream of a relationship.

W Blind dates: Five. "Generally, when you see the guy you want to be back home already, you think about the petrol you've wasted and about how much the coffee will cost." One of the dates was a success, though. They dated for seven months, but it ended ("four and a half months, one week and four days ago"). She wanted someone stable, and he didn't fit the bill.

W The recipe: Someone with love, passion and compassion.

W The divorce in perspective: "If you come from a place where you are willing to work on yourself, there is no reason to get divorced. People want to get divorced too fast."

W Television: Never, only DVD movies ("The Secret"). She loves to read, recommends "Conversations with God," and listens a lot to music (light jazz, classical and also Miri Masika).

W God: She believes. "I call it energy." Every morning she says "thank you" for all she has and all she will have.

W Happiness quotient (scale of 1-10): Gil - 7.5-8; Sarah - 8.5; Debbie - 9.75.

W Latest update: "The Peugeot died. I'm hitching rides."

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