About four years ago, Shoshana Cardin, former chair of the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations, made a revolutionary proposal: a renewed educational campaign against mixed marriages, after it was revealed that only a minority of the children of these couples receive a meaningful Jewish education. The proposal was nipped in the bud by the leaders of American Jewry themselves, for two reasons: one, preaching against mixed marriages is liable to sound racist, and two, how can one preach against mixed marriages when so many people who are in such marriages - including many of the leaders of American Jewry - are members of the synagogues and the communities?

This story illustrates the basic dilemma of Jewish life in the Diaspora today, particularly in the United States. The Jews can hold important conferences that discuss their future, like the one last week in Jerusalem; there can be wonderful projects such as birthright and Masa, which bring young people from the Diaspora to Israel. But in the final analysis, what will determine the fate of every American Jew and that of the entire community is the basic decision: What is more important, integration and acceptance by the surroundings, or preservation of Jewish identity?

The time has come to openly admit the existence of tension between these two desires. Not a contradiction, but definitely tension. It is possible, and even vital, to posit these two goals simultaneously, but we have to be aware that there are also areas where they clash, particularly when it comes to marriage, and even more so when it comes to education. American Jewry is the most blatant example of this tension. The descendants of those who were persecuted as Jews in Eastern Europe have become so well integrated in the United States that British historian Paul Johnson has defined their present status as a development that in the course of Jewish history is even more dramatic than the establishment of the State of Israel.

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So it is no wonder that these descendants want to do everything in their power to nurture the acceptance they enjoy. They talk about the importance of preserving Jewish identity, but the practical decisions of most American Jewish leaders attest to the fact that for them, what is important is their status in American society. If it is possible to preserve a little bit of Jewish uniqueness in this context they would definitely be happy, but they will not dare to endanger their status for it, even slightly.

The dismissal of the public relations initiative against mixed marriages is only one example of that. Another example is donations. Most of the wealthy Jews in the U.S. donate to general American causes far more than they donate to Jewish causes. Moreover, the Jewish leadership is vehemently opposed to receiving government subsidies for Jewish education - although it is clear that education is the most significant means of fighting assimilation - because of the fear that this will undermine the total separation of church and state that exists in the U.S.

In other words, the self-image of Jews as part of the liberal camp is more important than reinforcing Jewish identity. Moreover, the Jewish leadership is so afraid of any hint of being accused of "dual loyalty" that even at last year's conference of AIPAC - the American Israel Public Affairs Committee, the American Jewish organization most identified with Israel - they refrained from singing "Hatikvah" after two of the leading members of the organizations were suspected of spying for Israel.

Of course, it is very problematic to criticize these decisions from Israel, the only country in the world where Jews do not have to confront the dilemma of identity versus acceptance. It is possible that were I an American Jew I would decide as they have. That is why this article will not end with an exclamation point demanding that American Jews decide one way or the other. My point actually is to call attention to the dilemma, and to the significance of the decision - as understandable as it may be - to prefer acceptance.