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Family Affair / The Yaakobis
By Avner Avrahami and Reli Avrahami
Tags: israel news, family affair

Nes Harim

The cast: Shalom (45), Yael (40), Shirli (18) and Kim (8).

The home: At the far end of the moshav, at the end of a hot road, after a U-turn and a drive down a limestone road is a house with a red roof, at the edge of a slope (hence the small bridge before it). The family has been here four years, renting for $1,200 a month and getting 80 square meters (living room, kitchen, three other rooms) and six dunams (1.5 acres). The place was formerly a chicken coop, and is now a horse ranch.
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Entering: The living room is crowded, things have yet to fall into a place; thoughts are devoted to how the horses are doing below. The yellow sofas and small rocking chair were brought from Gan Yavneh (their previous residence). On the television stand are candlesticks and a cowboy hat, in the glass cabinet are statuettes of fairies and angels, and the library holds a Bible with commentary and French encyclopedias. We peek into the kitchen - it's crammed. There are wicker chairs around the dining table. We refresh ourselves with cold water.

Occupations and livelihoods: Yael and Shalom manage a therapeutic riding ranch (called Ha'ela), where they spend most of the day. Yael is in charge of therapy, instruction, marketing and arrangements with Kupat Holim health maintenance organizations - in short, the business. Shalom is responsible for the well-being of the horses.

The horses: There are 10 (Aladdin, Bonita, Chika, Lakuta, May, Lola, Shanti, Apollo, Shadow and Nikud). Bonita was a present to Shirli for her bat mitzvah; Lola (May's mother) belongs to Kim. Most of the horses are local, a few are quarter horses (an American breed, known for quick quarter-mile sprints) meant for riding - and all provide therapeutic services to people suffering from ADD, ADHD, behavioral disorders, emotional problems, and disabilities due to varying degrees of cerebral palsy.

Effectiveness: "I am amazed by the intense and very obvious change [after therapy]," Yael says. "You should hear what the parents and the school and kindergarten teachers say."

Emotional therapy: "One person arrived after a terrorist attack and we had a woman going through a divorce who came to make herself stronger." That woman, Yael relates, wanted to prove to herself that she could cope with her fears, with being alone, with the feeling of being a victim. "The horses are part of the empowerment," she says. "They give one a feeling of control. There's good reason for sayings like 'horse sense' and 'taking the reins.'" Yael is a practitioner in many areas; riding therapy is only one in which she has certification.

Certification: Her riding instruction certificate is from the Wingate Institute; her riding therapy diploma is from Elbaum College; and in between she studied animal-assisted therapy at Magen David Yarok College. She has a degree in social science (from the Open University), and last week she completed a course in mediation at the Goma Center ("You can do mediation through horses"). A year ago she took a course in coaching given by the Mateh Yehuda Regional Council.

Coaching: A morning activity, in her office at the ranch. The clients arrive after referrals from organizations, though there is also parental coaching ("Riding can be a form of family therapy").

Besides which: She is also an investment counselor (see below).

Routine: Works a seven-day week, aided by Amirit (an instructor); mornings are flexible, afternoons are devoted to therapy (until 7-8 P.M.).

Time for the house: "I try to make some." Yael doesn't feel she is sacrificing her family on the altar of her career. In the past, when she was an investment counselor (with two large firms, Psagot and Excellence Nessuah) and worked from morning until night ("until one day I decided to put an end to it"), she felt conflicted. "These days," she says, "I am always here to make the sandwiches."

Shalom's routine: Takes care of the horses seven days a week. Pressure? "Only when Yael pressures me." Starts in the morning, finishes in the evening, particularly enamored with May (a one-year-old foal).

Shirli: Just graduated from the Ein Karem Agricultural School, outside the Jerusalem neighborhood of Ein Karem. Recently finished her matriculation exams, including five units (the highest level) in theater and five in "potted plants for the home." She has her own Mitsubishi ("1992, not for sale"), works as a riding instructor at the ranch and will soon be inducted into the army. She has requested to serve as a sports instructor, but probably won't be one ("because of my medical profile"). She says she would also be happy to serve in Oketz, the canine unit ("unlikely"). Has a boyfriend ("Nahi, from the Castel," west of Jerusalem), who is also a riding instructor and is now in the army (Givati infantry brigade); he does not have much leave, so their meetings are brief ("You can see that in the phone bill").

Kim: Has just finished second grade at Ein Harim School (in Ein Karem); she gets back and forth by bus, sometimes traveling with her sister ("It's fun to go with Shirli"). She takes care of horses, goats, turtles, rabbits and hamsters on the ranch.

Shalom's bio: Born Jinjihashvili, 1964, in Sukhomi, Republic of Georgia. The family (six siblings) immigrated to Israel in 1972 and settled in Jerusalem ("in the Katamonim," a lower-class area). His father, now retired, was a department director in the postal bank; his mother, who died two years ago, was a housewife. He attended Denmark High School in Jerusalem, liked to box ("Israeli youth champion in the lightweight division"), did his army service as a combat-fitness instructor in the Gadna (youth corps program, in Kiryat Malakhi) and was also a youth counselor (in local villages). After his discharge in 1985, and a short stint in business (partner in the family-owned Tower Cafe on Hillel Street in downtown Jerusalem), he moved to Tel Aviv and worked for 20 years as a beach inspector.

Inspector of beaches: "It's a headache. Seven days a week of heat, disarray and people showing you absolutely no respect." His last assignment was as manager of Frishman Beach ("the greatest of them all"). He left in 2007, received a statuette of appreciation and has been on the ranch, very pleased, ever since.

Yael's bio: Born 1969, Bordeaux, France, nee Harmelin. Her father is the son of Holocaust refugees who fled from Czechoslovakia; her mother is a Frenchwoman who converted to Judaism. Her parents immigrated to Israel in 1985 ("as Zionists"), but two years later returned to France ("Their Zionism ran out"). Yael, then 18, lived in Jerusalem in her own place and worked at the Laromme Hotel. She decided to stay on ("the reason was him" - i.e., Shalom) after she met Shalom, shortly before her parents decided to leave.

The meeting: 1987. Yael was working in the hotel ("in charge of the cash"); Shalom was employed at the cafe (on Hillel Street). One day, she came in for a glass of juice. He was impressed and invited her to a movie. She accepted, they began dating, moved to Tel Aviv six months later, hung out on Banana Beach, rented an apartment in Bat Yam and got married.

The wedding: 1990, Tel Aviv, at the Metzuda ("Fortress" - i.e., Jabotinsky House). Her parents were against the marriage and did not attend. Yael: "They didn't want a Georgian." "I was offended," Shalom says. "I was more offended," Yael says. Until the last minute she believed they would show up, but they didn't. Shalom: "On our side, things didn't go so smoothly either, and besides [Yael's mother is] a convert." The reconciliation, they say, occurred when the girls were born.

Another event: "The wedding hall had mirrored doors and someone walked into them head-first when he came to shake our hands."

Wanderings: They moved to the town of Gan Yavneh and rented a place with a garden. Yael began working for Psagot and Excellence Nessuah (1992); 10 years later, she felt she had had enough and needed something for her "soul." She had been fond of horses since her youth in France.

The shift: "I didn't tell them I was leaving because of horses - I didn't know how they would take it." In any event, she is sorry she didn't do it sooner, though her expertise in financial matters now helps her in managing the ranch.

Daily routine: Yael gets up between 6 and 6:30 A.M., has a quiet cup of coffee (strong instant, one teaspoon of sugar) and wakes the family. She then makes sandwiches, arranges Kim's ponytail and accompanies her (along with Shalom) to the pickup point (during the school year). Shalom, who gets up around 7, starts his day with a cup of instant coffee with two teaspoons of sugar and a cigarette (Pall Mall, king size) on the porch. By 8 he is at the ranch, feeding, mucking, arranging and, if necessary, tending to the sick.

Lunch: At the ranch, a "workers' meal" of tahini, hummus, tuna and cold cuts. They get home about 8 P.M. and try to have a family meal at 8:30 (cheeses, omelets, salads). Kim goes to sleep at 9; Shirli, whenever she wants.

Television: Yael has no patience for it ("except for the news"). Shalom starts to watch movies, but usually doesn't remember how they end. They sleep well.

Dreams: Shalom - "to fulfill Yael's dream of a ranch of our own, not rental"; Yael - "to help treat as many people as possible"; Kim - "to work on the ranch"; Shirli - "to marry Nahi."

Quarrels: "They are not drawn out; we have learned how to talk."

Regrets: Yael - "that I didn't get into this field from the beginning; I wasted my time in the wrong place." She does not miss France. Shalom: "I regret not having made peace with her parents before the wedding; I should have been smarter."

God: They do not believe. "Religion is meant for weak people who are unable to make decisions alone," Yael says. "When you respect others, you don't need religion. I do not shirk my responsibility - it's all on my shoulders."

Israel: Yael is fearful for the country's fate. "The establishment of a Palestinian state is unavoidable, but it too will not bring peace in the short-term." Shalom: "There have to be two states; it's better to have someone to approach on the other side."

Happiness quotient (scale of 1-10): Yael - "At work - 10, the rest - 5"; Shalom - 7; Shirli and Kim - 10.

The place

Nes Harim - A moshav in the Judean Hills, population about 450, established 1950 on the land of the Arab village of Beit Itab by immigrants from Iranian Kurdistan, who in 1953 were joined by immigrants from Iraqi Kurdistan.
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