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New species By Sayed Kashua Tags: israel news  Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to inform you that Israel's Arab citizens' 15 minutes of fame were officially inaugurated this week. I'm telling you, during the past few days, Arabs have been going like hotcakes. We're talking the hottest merchandise in today's international entertainment market. Last week, I was contacted by dozens of foreign reporters, all begging me to consent to an interview. Requests from radio stations, television, newspapers, Web sites - you name it. The Western world has discovered the natural phenomenon known as Israeli Arab citizens, and to the best of my knowledge, the patent is registered under the name of a Russian scientist called Lieberman. That slogan - "No Loyalty, No Citizenship" - really seems to have confused members of the foreign media. "Just a second," wondered editors in Europe and the United States, "what citizenship is he talking about? Since when do the Palestinians have any citizenship?" Anthropologists and zoologists were called upon to provide explanations and after long days of the most delicate laboratory experiments, they reached the conclusion that this was a familiar phenomenon, sometimes referred to among a small group of historians by the scientific term "Israeli Arabs." Other researchers who had documented the occurrence called them "Palestinian citizens of Israel" while still others preferred to catalog them by numbers, calling them the "Arabs of '48." Some representatives of the foreign media who had amassed years of experience in Israel already knew about the country's Arab citizens, but for internal reasons, chose, until recently, to conceal this phenomenon from their readers lest it sow confusion and cause the average foreign reader dismay. The whole Israeli-Palestinian story was already becoming thornier than ever, and the introduction of new elements such as Israeli Arabs would only complicate matters. The consensus was that it was preferable to refer to just two camps: Palestinians and Israelis. At first, I didn't get why I was suddenly being inundated with interview requests. But then I Googled "Israeli Arabs" and discovered that my name appeared in the Wikipedia entry as a living example of the phenomenon; I was mentioned along with two other writers - the late, great Emile Habibi, and Anton Shammas, who left the homeland years ago and has been making a good living giving lectures at prestigious American universities trying to explain the concept. Which leaves me, at least according to Google, as a good first option when one needs to prepare an article about "Israeli Arabs." "You see?" I found myself breaking my teeth trying to speak English with the BBC reporter who was sent from the British capital just to talk to me. "You understand?" I asked periodically, receiving a dazed and bewildered look from the reporter in return. "Der ar deefreent kayndes off Erabs." Naturally, I did my best to besmirch the State of Israel. "Ray-cee-zem" is one word I heard myself inserting into every other sentence. I tried to describe the status of the Arab citizen, the discrimination and the neglect, and I gave a lengthy account of all the terrible hardships in the Arab communities. "One minute," asked a reporter from a well-known American newspaper, "don't the Israeli Arabs live in the Israeli cities?" "No, no - you've got it all wrong. The Arabs live in Arab villages and towns, very neglected, you know - ray-cee-zem and all that. There are a few mixed cities but in most places there is a clear separation between Arab and Jewish neighborhoods. "Dees-kreem-ee-nay-shun." "So what you're saying is that most of the Arabs in Israel actually live in refugee camps," the journalist summed up. Ya allah, how can I explain it to this moron? I tried again from the beginning. "You know, der ar deefreent kayndes off Erabs." "Tell me, please," asked a woman reporter from Germany, "from everything you've told me, I can't understand how you live in a Jewish neighborhood." "What? Ummm ... Well ... " I started stuttering to the German woman. After all that talk about ray-cee-zem and dees-kreem-ee-nay-shun, living in a Jewish neighborhood had to sound like a death wish. "It's for research purposes," I found myself explaining. "Yes, it's for a book that I'm writing ... As part of an investigation into ray-cee-zem in Israeli society, I had to move from the very, very neglected village where I grew up to a Jewish neighborhood." "So how do you manage to survive?" she asked sympathetically. "How do your neighbors react?" "No question that ray-cee-zem will be the bottom line of my research study," I said, leaning back on the sofa. "You can't imagine what we're going through here. It's just a nightmare. Excuse me, I'll just go see who's at the door," I said, making an effort to shake off my suffering and wearily getting to my feet to see who rang the bell. My neighbor, who's a really great guy, was standing there. He wanted to know if I felt like catching a movie with him. "Sure," I said. "Let me just get rid of this German woman and I'm ready to go." I went back in and sat down across from the horrified journalist. "Who was that?" "The neighbor," I answered. "Is everything okay? What did he want? Can you tell me?" she asked. "Oh, just the same old thing," I replied with an anguished expression. "Every day it's the same story. He knocks on the door and I open it. He spits on me and then walks away." I put my hand up as if to wipe my face and the German woman shed a tear. Bookmark to del.icio.us   BBC under fire Does the network's coverage of the Middle East suffer from biased reporting? Meeting Meshal A delegation of British MPs met the Hamas leader on a visit to Damascus.   1.   Great Column! 10:34  |  Reuven 20/02/09   2.   bravo sayed! exellent, almost as funny as anton. 14:04  |  v 21/02/09   3.   Hilarious!! 16:49  |  Amal 21/02/09   4.   That was the best thing I read in this newspaper for a long time 20:14  |  Krystal 21/02/09   5.   Really Funny 23:29  |  Ellie 21/02/09   6.   sayed and the yehudis 11:44  |  bobbyg 01/03/09

Read & React BBC panel finds broadcaster breached guidelines on Israel Responses: 41 U.S.: Advancing peace talks will help curb Iran nuclear ambitions Responses: 22 Egyptian FM: Lieberman not welcome in Egypt Responses: 31 UN: Durban II won't be repeat of last conference Responses: 7 More Headlines 11:06 Peres: Talk of IDF attack on Iran is 'nonsense' 10:12 U.S.: Advancing peace talks will help curb Iran nukes 04:24 ANALYSIS / Iran treating Obama declarations as policy 10:00 Blair: Netanyahu wants to build Palestinian state 'from bottom up' 05:56 WATCH: Israeli musician uses YouTube to create new music 10:56 U.S. professor becomes first Jew to win 'Arab Nobel Prize' 08:44 Palestinian activists plan massive graffiti protest on West Bank fence 10:47 WATCH: Daily news round-up from Israel 23:41 Egyptian FM: Lieberman not welcome in Egypt 08:39 Clinton: U.S. has not dropped demands on Iran nuke program 09:59 UN: Durban II won't be repeat of last conference 08:45 BBC panel finds broadcaster breached guidelines on Israel 02:29 Police to restrict entry to Temple Mount over fear of violent protests 04:50 Officials say Hamas and Fatah no nearer to reconciliation 02:07 Iranian scientists clone goat in hopes of treating stroke victims 06:33 Labor chairman Barak seeking to whip party 'rebels' into line Previous Editions Select Day 15 apr 14 apr 13 apr 12 apr 10 apr 09 apr 08 apr 07 apr 06 apr 05 apr 03 apr 02 apr

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