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3 electoral personages By Doron Rosenblum Tags: Friday Magazine 1. Prince of tides (and ebbs) Like a sneeze about to burst out in a drizzle of drops, but which suddenly tarries, abandons the effort and recedes into the caverns of the nose; then returns to tickle and itch, before bursting out assertively, blasting its way like a short-tempered thug in a crowd of curious onlookers; before melting away again, like a pure declaration of principles, like a trumpet gone bashful; then suddenly, when we have already despaired, erupting at last in a redeeming explosion - no less elusive than that sneeze was the political ambition of Theodore ("Nevermore") Kav-Venaki, the public personage, known to all and sundry as Prince: his ambition, too, comes and goes. It comes with self-effacing self-importance, with a sense of sublime public mission, though not without self-irony, and it goes with fastidious disgust. It comes only in specifically ripe and very convenient conditions, when Jupiter is aligned with Mars, and goes with a palpable feeling of physical repulsion immediately upon the first encounter with unpleasantness. Refined and vulnerable, modest in his arrogance, arrogant in his modesty, he is like a prince on a pea for whom it's "either-or": either all or nothing. Either a red carpet and a guaranteed slot in a deerskin leather chair, or oblivion; either a senior ministerial post in the security cabinet, with everyone deferring to him and hanging on his pearls of wisdom, or an anonymous, unshaven pensioner taking the bus to the HMO clinic. Advertisement Everyone agrees, and no one more than he, that someone like him is exactly what's missing in the country's politics: ramrod-straight, decent, upright. Nevertheless, he is contemplating, agonizing; waiting to be implored, begged, given a little push - nu, tov, even a hint - in order to return big-time. That is, little-time. Not that he needs the power, the position. But why someone from Indonesia, from Kenya, from Talbiyeh, and not him? And above all, what will happen to political culture without him? How far will it slide down the slippery slope? Even his political rivals agree: it is best to enter a war of Gog and Magog courteously and without a police record, than to go for durable peace with a cigar and an antipathetic smile and the suspicion of bribery. What triggered the political itch this time? What was it that rekindled the desire to return to the putrid stench of the political kitchen from which he escaped? What drove him to suddenly lurch into the arms of the person he despised with a personal - not even ideological - loathing so powerful that he could not dredge up words for it even from his rich vocabulary? Well, everyone knows the answer: Obama, and the polls. So what if he represents exactly the diametric opposite of what Obama stands for? So what if he himself embodies recycling and not change? So what if he himself is the equivalent of a fundamentalist Republican, who at most urges a return to the past? But, hey, change is change. On top of which, the polls are smiling, too: there is a difference between a hollow tricky-Dicky-type impostor who reduced the party to 12 seats on the way to the unknown, and a mature leader who has learned the lessons and is riding 39 seats on the way to the too-well known. "I believe we will be able to work together," he hears himself saying at the press conference to the man he despises. Momentarily, that fellow seems to resemble Sen. Joe Biden - silver-haired, reliable, respectable, experienced. But only momentarily - until he opens his mouth. "Clearly," says the despised one as he glances at his watch and at his reflection in the television cameras. "Clearly." Our friend felt the same twinge of loathing inside, just like in the old days. Under the canopy he understood that he had made a terrible mistake. But what could he do? Leave politics at the moment of announcing his return? That would be a bit ridiculous. Let's wait a little. 2.Man of the hour The day of Obama's victory was also the great day of MK Zelig Ben-Zikit ("Ziko"). But it would have been his big day in any case. Even if John McCain had been elected president of the U.S., Zelig would have viewed the outcome as a kind of cosmic hint that his time, too, had arrived. After all, was he not, like McCain, an army officer in the past (okay, the mess commander in the motor pool)? And, like McCain, did he not also experience the isolation cell (okay, in an IDF jail, for talking back)? And, again like McCain, was he not wounded (oaky, when his scooter overturned on Carlebach Street)? Like McCain, is he not for Israel and against Iran's nuclear project? If McCain had won, then, there is no doubt that Ziko, who spends his time crawling between the branches of the Likud, Yisrael Beiteinu and the settlers' party, would have felt a new wind in his tattered political sails. It would have proved that we had returned to the old values he himself represents: capitalism, militancy, religion, fundamentalism, territorialism, hawkishness. With a pronounced limp - an allusion to that old wound and in order to emphasize his advanced years - our friend would have taken the rostrum and said that the nation wants someone older, scarred, rich in experience, who has spent many years in the House and who represents a return to the true values: family, money, homeland and God. But Obama won. Nu, tov, that too is a sign, a sign from heaven, further unequivocal proof that he himself, Zelig, is more relevant than ever, a salient representative of the spirit of the time. Like Obama, is he not "black" (okay, on the side of his Austrian grand uncle, who when he came to this country met a woman named Schwartz who once ate zhug)? Like Obama, did he not smoke a reefer and listen to Bob Dylan (okay, secretly, during reserve duty, while guarding settlers who pissed from a roof into a Palestinian kindergarten)? Does he too, like Obama, not have a grandmother who died? And, like Obama, did he not say (okay, to Zvi Hendel, in a phone call made on a weekday) that he smells change in the air (okay, non-removal of the Migron outpost)? The elections in America made him feel tall in the saddle. Suddenly he also felt himself to be leaner than ever. This weekend, after the rain, he is going to sit himself down on the little pantry-porch in his house and do some serious tanning. 3.The revolutionary In 1968, it was students at the Sorbonne and Danny the Red. In 2008, it's the renters and Danny ("Stutzer") the Green, the entertainer and Jeeper who wants you to think he cares. He's 45 and lives in a detached home in Ramat Hasharon, but in spirit he is a 20-year-old investigative reporter and frequenter of convenience stores who lives on a bench on Rothschild Boulevard and rides a bicycle that someone stole from him on East Village corner of Rashi. After taking part in the big revolution that brought Sharoni from the Pensioners Party into the Knesset, he felt this week that the time had come for genuine change. His dream is to support a mayor who will cancel the cumulative fine on black Jeeps that parked in a red-and-white area next to the Kantina between February and March 2007. He has a dream. Because - why only in America? We can, too. Bookmark to del.icio.us   The King is dead Archeologists find new evidence for King Herod's tomb site. Al-Hasbara Israel launches Arabic YouTube channel to bypass Arab media.

Read & React Israel to boycott 'Durban II' anti-racism conference Responses: 91 Latest poll gives Likud big edge over Kadima Responses: 49 Peres: Evacuation of settlements may lead to civil war Responses: 30 IAEA: Syria site bombed by Israel bore features of nuclear reactor Responses: 52 Defense Min. turns blind eye as Israelis sell arms to enemies Responses: 18 More Headlines 11:56 Violent clashes erupt at Hebron house slated for evacuation 03:31 Latest poll gives Likud big edge over Kadima 10:10 ANALYSIS / Obama embrace of Arab peace plan could benefit Livni 09:25 Defense Min. turns blind eye as Israelis sell arms to enemies 11:38 Peres: Evacuation of settlers may lead to civil war 11:58 In Gaza coffee shops, men and women break strict taboos 12:00 Letter to the Editor / Museum of Tolerance is a beacon of light, not a wall 06:09 PA to publish first-ever ads in Hebrew explaining Arab peace plan 08:16 IAEA: Syria site bombed by Israel bore features of nuclear reactor 08:39 Abdullah II warns Olmert, Barak: Gaza action could snowball into Jordanian instability 22:05 Israel to boycott 'Durban II' anti-racism conference 08:00 Top media executives protest Israel's ban on journalists' entry to Gaza 12:24 Palestinian witnesses: Hamas man killed in Gaza explosion 02:07 Warsaw completes restoration project marking Jewish Ghetto boundaries 07:14 Finance minister reveals NIS 25 billion stimulus plan Previous Editions Select Day 19 nov 18 nov 17 nov 16 nov 14 nov 13 nov 12 nov 11 nov 10 nov 09 nov 07 nov 06 nov

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