Subscribe to Print Edition | Wed., November 05, 2008 Cheshvan 7, 5769 | | Israel Time: 08:18 (EST+7)
Haaretz israel news English
web haaretz.com
  Back to Homepage
Haaretz Toolbar
Diplomacy
Defense Jewish World Opinion National
Print Edition
Car Rental
Books Haaretz Magazine Business Real Estate U.S. election Travel Week's End Anglo File
Last update - 02:54 05/11/2008
Some drinking games to help Americans in Israel make it through election night
By Benjamin L. Hartman
Tags: Obama, Israel News 

Drinking and politics have gone together in the United States since long before Andrew Johnson stumbled drunk through his Vice Presidential inauguration speech in 1865.

This year, at the end of the most-covered election in history, where countless millions have willingly overdosed on election coverage, putting their physical and emotional well-being at risk, a drink or two (or 12) is surely in order.

For the tens of thousands of Americans in Israel watching the results live from here in the 51st state (we're still waiting on the request for 13 electoral votes), here are a few suggestions for how to celebrate the final hours of the most nerve-wracking election in years:
Advertisement

* One drink anytime you hear a pundit say "the most important election in years"

* One drink whenever you hear a pundit invoke the bone-chilling phrase "Florida 2000"

* One drink anytime you hear someone on FOX News say, "Well, the night is still not over yet"

* Take one drink when you hear someone invoke the names Jeremiah Wright, Bill Ayers, or Rashid Khalidi. (Please disregard if you are watching FOX, otherwise you will black out before midnight.)

* Pass around a beer in a circle to your guests every time someone calls Obama a socialist. Better yet, take a drink from your wealthiest friend and give it to an unemployed guest (if one is present).

* One drink every time a state that went for Bush goes for Obama.

* Take 50 drinks every time a state that went for Kerry goes for McCain (Won't happen, so you're safe)

* If Texas goes for Obama, sprout wings and fly while turning lead into gold (See above)

* Down a tall glass of sweet kosher wine every time Israel is mentioned (use Arak if you are of Sephardi extract)

* Have a sip of non-alcoholic beer (or a soft drink) whenever the abysmal popularity of president and reformed alcoholic George W. Bush is mentioned

* Take one drink every time the Palin family is shown, two if a member of the Palin brood is holding a baby, three if the camera shows Levi Johnson nervously thumbing his engagement ring as he eyes the nearest exit.

* Have one drink every time the camera zooms in on a middle-aged black man at an Obama rally wiping a tear from his eye.

* Have one drink every time the camera zooms in on a middle-aged white man at a McCain rally wiping a tear from his eye.

* If Obama is declared the winner, have two drinks.

* If McCain declared the winner, have 20

Now, how much you end up needing to drink the day after, or over the next four years, depends on if your candidate wins. I can't help you there
Bookmark to del.icio.us  
 
Obama goes white
A new advertisement reminds Americans to consider the real issues when voting
Sarah Palin hits a nerve
The antipathy to Palin is located at the intersection of feminism and Jewish identity
  1.   will do 21:49  |  yessir 04/11/08
  2.   אני שיכור ולא מיין, ידידיי 02:05  |  גמד מבולבל 05/11/08
  3.   Arak 08:10  |  36 chambers 05/11/08
 Read & React
Bradley Burston: Live Blog: A class act - Obama and McCain both
Responses: 72
Editorial: U.S. election is example of democracy at its best
Responses: 14
Aluf Benn: Advice for Obama
Responses: 2
Arab commentators want to be able to admire America again
Responses: 7
'Change has come to America'
Responses: 50


More Headlines
07:40 Obama tells cheering, weeping victory throng 'We are one people'
05:35 EDITORIAL / U.S. election is example of democracy at its best
05:20 Jerusalem worried about effect of Obama win on U.S. relations with Iran
08:15 23 Qassams hit west Negev, day after deadly IDF strikes on Gaza
05:31 Arab commentators want to be able to admire America again
06:57 Live Election Blog: A class act - Obama and McCain both
07:56 Favorite TV moments from the 2008 U.S. presidential campaign
02:54 Some drinking games to help Americans in Israel make it through election night
01:50 On Rabin anniversary, Ben-Eliezer says 'next political murder is around the corner'
23:28 McCain turns black and Obama goes white to focus voters on the issues
18:27 Israel's UN envoy: Dangerous words, like Ahmadinejad's, sparked the Holocaust
22:24 Peres to join Saudi King on interfaith panel for first time
23:52 ANALYSIS / So is Obama a danger to Israel after all?
Previous Editions
Special Offers
Advertisement
Living in Israel Studying in English
Click & Meet our students from all around the world
Dan Boutique Jerusalem
New Dan Hotel in Jerusalem Young, Fun & Distinctively Dan Book Now Online!
Fattal Hotel Chain
Perfectly located hotels on best resorts of Israel.
Car rental in Israel
Shlomo Sixt Receive $15.00 from our low rates.
Dial 013 for your long-distance calls
and get all your money back
US CITIZENS
Vote for real change. Request your ballot today!
Eldan Rent a Car
Israel's leading car rental company offers you a 20% discount on all online reservations
Jewish Singles Personal Ads
Find the love of your life on JDate.com
Israel's Premier Real Estate Website
www. israel-property.com
Hebrew Summer courses
From $39.95
Junkyard
Junk a car - get free towing nationwide and a tax-deductible receipt
Home | TV | Print Edition | Diplomacy | Opinion | Arts & Leisure | Sports | Jewish World | Underground | Site rules |
Real Estate in Israel | Travel to Israel with Haaretz | Hotels Israel | Restaurants Israel | Tourist attractions Israel | Shops Israel
birthright Israel | Search engine marketing
Haaretz.com, the online edition of Haaretz Newspaper in Israel, offers real-time breaking news, opinions and analysis from Israel and the Middle East. Haaretz.com provides extensive and in-depth coverage of Israel, the Jewish World and the Middle East, including defense, diplomacy, the Arab-Israeli conflict, the peace process, Israeli politics, Jerusalem affairs, international relations, Iran, Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, the Palestinian Authority, the West Bank and the Gaza Strip, the Israeli business world and Jewish life in Israel and the Diaspora.
© Copyright  Haaretz. All rights reserved