Subscribe to Print Edition | Sun., September 28, 2008 Elul 28, 5768 | | Israel Time: 11:21 (EST+7)
Haaretz israel news English
web haaretz.com
  Back to Homepage
Haaretz Toolbar
Diplomacy
Defense Jewish World Opinion National
Print Edition
Car Rental
Books Haaretz Magazine Business Real Estate Easy Start Travel Week's End Anglo File
Last update - 02:12 07/09/2008
How can grandparents make their interfaith grandkids more Jewish?
By Rebecca Spence, The Forward
Tags: interfaith marriage 

When Barbara Mindel wanted to help instill Jewish traditions in her grandchildren - the offspring of an interfaith marriage who were raised without Judaism - she took a simple step. Mindel moved a dreidel and a Hanukkah menorah, which had been perched on a high shelf in her home, to a lower shelf so that her young grandchildren could see them in plain view.

The strategy worked. Her grandchildren, ages 2 and 4, marveled at the menorah, and Mindel was able to teach them the basics of the Jewish Festival of Lights.

Mindel, 67, was tipped off to this approach at an Atlanta meeting of the Grandparents Circle, a new group for Jewish grandparents grappling with how to pass on Jewish traditions to grandchildren who are growing up in interfaith homes.
Advertisement
"Some of my grandchildren are not being brought up with any religion, and the others are being brought up with both," explained Mindel, a resident of Alpharetta, Ga., who has two children married to Christians. "It bothered me, but there's nothing I could do about it. I wanted to approach people in similar situations to see what they did to allow Judaism into the kids' lives."

Originally piloted in 2007, in the Los Angeles area, the Grandparents Circle program expanded to Atlanta and is set to launch in more than 10 additional cities across North America by 2009. Little more than a year after the first group began meeting in the heavily Jewish San Fernando Valley, San Francisco, Baltimore and Cleveland, among other cities, will soon have their own groups.

A Jewish grandmother initiated the six-session course, which is based on a curriculum designed by the New York-based Jewish Outreach Institute.

While searching for ways to impart Judaism to her interfaith grandchildren, Bettina Kurowski, a health care consultant and Jewish federation lay leader who lives in Encino, Calif., stumbled upon the book "Twenty Things for Grandparents of Interfaith Grandchildren To Do (And Not Do) To Nurture Jewish Identity in Their Grandchildren." Co-authored by JOI executive director Kerry Olitzky and the institute's associative executive director, Paul Golin, the book lays out practical ways to teach Jewish tradition without stepping on any toes.

When Kurowski - who is chairing this year's $50 million Annual Campaign for the Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles - was introduced to the book just before its publication in 2007, she was so impressed with its content that she wanted an interactive program to complement its teachings. Kurowski, 62, ultimately gave JOI some $30,000 in grant monies to create a curriculum that could be used in California and beyond. The ensuing pilot program, which was free for participants and was funded with a $10,000 grant from The Jewish Federation Valley Alliance - the Northern Valley arm of the L.A. federation - met at one of the L.A. area's largest Conservative synagogues, Valley Beth Shalom.

The program, designed for all the movements, was not a sure-fire bet. Intermarriage is a highly controversial subject in Jewish circles, and of all the movements? rabbis, only those who are Reform and Reconstructionist are permitted to perform interfaith nuptials. "It's a traditional Conservative synagogue in its liturgy," Kurowski said, referring to her synagogue, VBS. "So we weren't sure how many takers we'd get."

To her surprise, Kurowski said, the pilot group filled up immediately. About 20 grandparents - some in couples, some singles - came together each week to hash out the challenges of fostering grandchildren from mixed marriages. "It was a combination of talking about how you feel about being in this situation and how to deal with your own feeling in a way that facilitates the relationship rather than making it worse," she said. "Everybody needed to talk about that."

Kurowski noted that she and her second husband - who have four children between them - had no other friends in similar situations, and therefore, no one who could understand the particular challenges they faced.

One challenge came several years ago, when Kurowski threw a Hanukkah party for her daughter, a mother of three who lives in Denver. To Kurowski's dismay, her daughter - whose husband is Christian - hung three Christmas stockings on the mantel. When Kurowski asked for the stockings to be taken down, her daughter was offended. As it turned out, the stockings had been handmade by the children's other grandmother.

"When I talked about it in the Grandparents Circle, I came to realize it was my problem," Kurowski said. "And instead of focusing on what I didn't like, I should be thrilled with the fact that they were having a Hanukkah party."

JOI's Golin said that one of the goals of the course is to help grandparents stop blaming themselves for the fact that their children are intermarried. Through the sessions, he said, they come to understand that it is simply something that happens in modern American society. "Intermarriage is still taboo for their generation," Golin said. "They may have felt isolated, but to put them in a room together and let them know they're not alone has been pretty powerful."
Bookmark to del.icio.us  
 
Fighting words
Nasrallah: Jerusalem and Palestine will soon be returned to rightful owners.
Paul Newman dies
'Exodus' star and legendary actor Paul Newman succumbs to cancer at age 83.
  1.   These children are Gentiles learning some Jewish traditions. 07:33  |  anti-intermarriage 07/09/08
  2.   #1 is Half Wrong 08:22  |  Shmuel 07/09/08
  3.   Thinking outside the box 08:35  |  Joan 07/09/08
  4.   Interfaith Grandparents 08:51  |  Phillip 07/09/08
  5.   I guess it is better than nothing 09:08  |  David G 07/09/08
  6.   These children are human beings and should be treated as such 09:09  |  couldn`t give a shit 07/09/08
  7.   So they think they are Crypto-Jews?! 09:40  |  Zev Davis 07/09/08
  8.   Simple - act Jewish in the home, and the children will follow 11:08  |  Binyamin Dissen 07/09/08
  9.   Who is a Jew ? 11:57  |  Nora 07/09/08
  10.   Nothing to hide 12:00  |  Motic 07/09/08
  11.   As a grandmother 13:27  |  Jackie 07/09/08
  12.   To: anti-intermarriage 13:36  |  leven5 07/09/08
  13.   When the boat is sinking, please call a cab! 14:38  |  sptz 07/09/08
  14.   Judaism will always rebound..... 15:06  |  sptz 07/09/08
  15.   How kids can make their Jewish grandparents more open minded? 16:25  |  Allister 07/09/08
  16.   leven6, Herod was a the son of a slave 17:00  |  Zev Davis 07/09/08
  17.   How dare they. 17:05  |  Abba 07/09/08
  18.   It doesn`t always work 17:49  |  JPA 07/09/08
  19.   A little Judaism is better than none 18:24  |  A new Goy 07/09/08
  20.   6 Mind your language 20:00  |  Pamela 07/09/08
  21.   in response to "it doesn`t always work" 20:17  |  Tami 07/09/08
  22.   At least children of intermarriage have non-Jewish grandparents 20:29  |  been there 07/09/08
  23.   Jewish Childbirth Education 20:57  |  Bea Meyer 07/09/08
  24.   Mind your business grannie! 20:58  |  steve 07/09/08
  25.   AS LONG AS JUDAISM IS.... 21:30  |  Steven Cohen 07/09/08
  26.   Stiffling 21:43  |  Proud Jewish Grandpa 07/09/08
  27.   How can grandparents make their interfaith grandkids more Jewish? 21:45  |  jenna levin 07/09/08
  28.   If the mother is Jewish, teach them; if not, 00:00  |  Yaakov K. 08/09/08
  29.   Grandparents 01:25  |  Cyasher 08/09/08
  30.   I Love and Accept My Grandchildren and Daughter in Law 02:46  |  Jane 08/09/08
  31.   what logic 02:47  |  Gregor 08/09/08
  32.   They shouldn`t - UNLESS THE CHILDREN ARE JEWISH 03:35  |  docD 08/09/08
  33.   Gregor, once you have converted . . . 09:41  |  Zev Davis 08/09/08
  34.   Kol ha kavod to granny Jane - #30 11:06  |  Benjamina 08/09/08
  35.   reply to #17 13:39  |  observer 08/09/08
  36.   A Program Like that is Needed in Israel 15:47  |  ARTH 08/09/08
  37.   Response to # 21 16:37  |  JPA 08/09/08
  38.   Reply to # 12 Leven 5 anti-intermarriage 10:52  |  Sherlock Holmes 09/09/08
  39.   Reply to #17 How dare they? 10:59  |  Joseph 09/09/08
  40.   # 26 Report abuse 11:07  |  Motic 09/09/08
  41.   #24 Up to parents 11:11  |  Avi 09/09/08
  42.   Reply to #32 Italian catholic 11:16  |  Akiva 09/09/08
  43.   #22: I guess you;re forgetting some Christian scripture 14:14  |  Yaakov K. 09/09/08
  44.   Akiva, funny you should mention it . . . 14:43  |  Zev Davis 09/09/08
  45.   Mixed marriages 20:30  |  Jew in the Diaspora 09/09/08
  46.   Jews 20:31  |  Yehudit 09/09/08
  47.   to number 18, 16:27  |  Rob of melbourne 11/09/08
  48.   sorry #32 16:36  |  Rob of melbourne 11/09/08
  49.   More Jewish??? Wrong from the start 07:01  |  DAveed 12/09/08
  50.   Jewish grandparents 22:34  |  RT 13/09/08
  51.   What a lot of bigotted and racist ideas on this talkback. 00:20  |  De 14/09/08
  52.   Provide a Jewish Option 04:45  |  Mike 14/09/08
  53.   #48: You remind me of a David Niven remark 09:20  |  Yaakov K. 14/09/08
  54.   De, this has nothing to do with children 17:00  |  Zev Davis 14/09/08
  55.   How can grandparents make their interfaith grandkids more Jewish? 21:16  |  nosmo 18/09/08
 Read & React
Burston: Will Palin win Jews - and Florida - over to Obama?
Responses: 4
U.S. deploys radar system at Israel base to detect Iran missiles
Responses: 17
Gideon Levy: Enough with the 'political process' game
Responses: 8
Olmert said to offer Palestinians Jordan Valley land swap
Responses: 10
Editorial: Capitalism isn't dead, but U.S. is on the path to decline
Responses: 5


More Headlines
10:49 U.S. deploys radar system at Israel base to detect Iran missiles
11:09 Olmert heads to Russia next week for talks on Iran and Syria
09:56 Palestinians blame settlers for shooting death of West Bank shepherd
08:54 Olmert said to offer Palestinians Jordan Valley land swap
08:17 Israeli police trained Chinese counterparts prior to Olympics
10:48 Will Palin win Jews - and Florida - over to Obama?
06:25 Livni and Mofaz speak for first time since Kadima primary
09:34 Israel Police have no suspects in bomb attack on leftist prof.
02:39 ANALYSIS / Damascus bomb is latest event to shake Syrian security
08:24 Sec. Council demands Iran halt enrichment, but holds off on U.S. bid for new sanctions
06:10 B-G airport to introduce pilot identification system to prevent terror
02:02 TIME honors Israeli-Palestinian-Jordanian group for environmental work
02:35 Dudi Sela storms to first major tennis final of his career
08:42 Saudi FM: We oppose partial or interim solutions to Israeli-Palestinian conflict
Previous Editions
Special Offers
Advertisement
Fattal Hotel Chain
Perfectly located hotels on best resorts of Israel.
Dial 013 for your long-distance calls
and get all your money back
US CITIZENS
Vote for real change. Request your ballot today!
Eldan Rent a Car
Israel's leading car rental company offers you a 20% discount on all online reservations
Jewish Singles Personal Ads
Find the love of your life on JDate.com
Israel's Premier Real Estate Website
www. israel-property.com
Hebrew Summer courses
From $39.95
Junkyard
Junk a car - get free towing nationwide and a tax-deductible receipt
Home | TV | Print Edition | Diplomacy | Opinion | Arts & Leisure | Sports | Jewish World | Underground | Site rules |
Real Estate in Israel | Travel to Israel with Haaretz | Hotels Israel | Restaurants Israel | Tourist attractions Israel | Shops Israel
birthright Israel | Search engine marketing
Haaretz.com, the online edition of Haaretz Newspaper in Israel, offers real-time breaking news, opinions and analysis from Israel and the Middle East. Haaretz.com provides extensive and in-depth coverage of Israel, the Jewish World and the Middle East, including defense, diplomacy, the Arab-Israeli conflict, the peace process, Israeli politics, Jerusalem affairs, international relations, Iran, Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, the Palestinian Authority, the West Bank and the Gaza Strip, the Israeli business world and Jewish life in Israel and the Diaspora.
© Copyright  Haaretz. All rights reserved