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It's not in your head By Neri Livneh When I was little, I read a popular children's book about a prince who was cursed to become exceedingly clever, but exceedingly ugly. As I recall, the kiss of a beautiful and fairly dim-witted girl undid the spell and transformed him into a handsome hunk. She, meanwhile, came away from the transaction with a bit more smarts. The message of the tale is problematic: If beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder, and if inner beauty is truly sufficient, why did the prince need to change? And if the beautiful girl was already smart enough to sense that inner beauty, why did she need to gain more wisdom? Television shows like "How to Look Good Naked," "Beauty and the Geek" and the long-running "What Not to Wear" are designed to help those of us who are not destined to be rescued from the misery of our imperfect appearance by one kiss from a beautiful prince or princess. The idea that these programs try to sell is that it's all in our heads, and if we would just change the way we think about or see ourselves, the whole world would immediately concur with our new self image. Advertisement This is, of course, a very lovely and positive idea, however trite and superficial and completely lacking in corroboration. It's also a little dangerous. For everyone can surely benefit from a little self-criticism and a sober look in the mirror, and people with a surplus of self-confidence can easily make a nuisance of themselves. Let's return for a moment to "Beauty and the Geek," which is ostensibly the direct continuation of the fable of the prince who became wise. The show's basic premise is that outer beauty is diametrically opposed to wisdom. The Beauty, i.e. the skinny girl in high heels and a miniskirt, must necessarily be ignorant, even really stupid, while the Geek, the guy going for a degree in science or engineering (not a single male contestant is studying anything like philosophy or French literature, since the humanities are apparently considered less intimidating to the Beauties), must be - if not outright ugly - at least very awkward, with a high degree of social anxiety, terrible taste in clothes and, in certain cases, liable to be diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. The Geeks do try, with limited success, to help the Beauties in the vital study assignments given them, such as how to build a rocket or identify different fish in the Red Sea. But the real emphasis is on the way the Beauties are supposed to cause the Geeks to undergo a complete transformation. And this transformation is all about external presentation and a change of mindset. The external change is accomplished by dressing them in fashionable clothes, with their market value subsequently being measured by an auction in which dates with the Geeks (who now have an "upgraded" look, as if before they were deliberately trying to look geeky and hadn't just gotten out of bed that way in the morning) go to the highest bidder. The transformation "in the head" is achieved by schooling the Geeks on how to buy a "pampering" gift, basic lessons in fashion and training for potential future dates. Also by means of practical advice dished out by the Beauties to their Geeky counterparts through an earpiece when the latter go out on a "real" date (as real as a date organized and recorded by television producers can possibly be), during which the girls offer the boys real-time guidance on how to transform themselves from dreadful bores who drone on about work and school into breezy, cool dudes who compliment their date on her choice of dress or perfume. But the miracle doesn't really come to pass. The Geeks may end up looking a little better and acquiring a bit of self-confidence, and the Beauties may discover that they are actually capable of learning a few new things, but no Beauty is really going to fall in love with a Geek or vice-versa, and that's because in order to sell ourselves, it's not enough for us to look at ourselves in a certain way. We also need to make those around us see us in the same way and, unavoidably, outer beauty still involves some pretty clear rules. Which is why a program like "How to Look Good Naked" really bugs me. From regular viewing of the English version, I can tell you that not a single one of the women who doesn't love herself enough is too skinny or too blonde. All the women on the show who have a problem with their body image are overweight to some degree. Of course, I'd be the first one to adopt the view that excess weight (in particular when it applies to me or anyone I love) has nothing to do with beauty and that what counts is character and that there is no connection, direct or otherwise, between weight and personal charm, or the ability to love and be loved. Women's body image is often a complicated and troubling issue, and I would applaud the program if it dealt with women who think the sole obstacle to their happiness is their weight or their outward appearance, because then, at least, the dictum of "It's all in your head" would be more accurate. But, as it is, my doubts are only reinforced when I see that, in the Israeli version, too, the featured young woman is quite nice and very intelligent, but could definitely do with a little diet. And if that's not the case, if what really matters in the end is not outer beauty, then what's the point of photographing the appealing and wonderful, though diet-challenged, women on the show in matching sexy lingerie, of photographing them covered with nothing but a sheet and putting their pictures up on billboards? And where are the Haredim when you need them? Where are the protests, the shouts and threats to burn down the signs? Could it be that the Haredim also need to undergo a change of mindset in order to understand that totally ordinary women with a little excess flab can also present a dangerous temptation? If our beauty is really all in our heads, and has no relation to criteria such as proportion, weight, hair color, eye color, complexion and legginess, then there is no purpose whatsoever to all the intensive grooming - all the massaging, shaving, plucking, etc. - along with all the exercise, to which the participants are subjected. For if we would just work on what's in our head, we'd be able to look beautiful to ourselves even when walking around in flab-baring midriff tops or in shorts exposing our hairy legs - or shapelessly covered from head to toe in a burka, for that matter. For the time being, it seems to me, this kind of change of mindset, like some other pleasures, is best kept to ourselves. Bookmark to del.icio.us   'I didn't kill Rose' Rose's mother, grandfather request court delay autopsy of body found in Yarkon River. Israeli requests Israel asks U.S. for arms and permission to use an air corridor to attack Iran.

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