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My Private Chef / By Miri Hanoch and Eyal Shani I left the house in order to air myself out a bit, and I went into the bank to have a little talk about my depleted account. Later, back at home, my eye fell on the pile of papers in the tiny study, and in the spirit of the times I sort everything into envelopes: Urgent, Very Urgent and Madly Urgent, and place them all in a file. That's also how I used to study French, by carrying the textbooks in a shoulder bag everywhere, on the assumption that ultimately I would learn something. For example, not to take the bag with me everywhere. Then, with great satisfaction, I smoke two cigarettes, one after the other, and notice the penciled writing on the wall to my right, among essential telephone and fax numbers: "On September 15, 2008, I will stop smoking," (signed) Miri Hanoch, (also in pencil). By that time I will no doubt also have reached the end of the book with which I have broken the record for slow reading, "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking," a bestseller by Allen Carr that was sent to me as a favor by a well-known blonde writer who succeeded in doing so, with its help. Advertisement Engulfed in passing thoughts between the ashtrays in the study, I wonder how those papers with threatening words like "Reminder," "Warning" and "Final Notice," are going to sort themselves out. If only I were the Mary Poppins of clerical work ... if only I could ... if I were a bird ... if it were only possible, I would have done it all a long time ago. At this moment, the chef sails in bearing tahini, a small cut of meat, hot peppers and of course tomatoes. He chops and he broils, mixes and toasts. "There's some mail here for you," I say, handing him a package. "Don't bother me," he says, gently moving me and the paper aside, and goes into the bedroom to get the camera. He will be my first subject. Test yourself: Are you a disciplined citizen? You have received an electricity bill: 1. You have been paying by means of a standing order at the bank for years now, obviously. 2. You usually pay it at the last minute, when the red warning notice comes. 3. You recognize the warning notice, don't open it, panic and after a while arrange for 18 payments that join the others in the mass grave of delayed payments at the bank. 4. You don't pay until they come to cut off the electricity. Your driver's license has expired: 1. This has never happened to you because you always renew well before the expiration date. 2. You put it into your wallet and hope you will not run over any old women or children until the next time you are at the post office, and then you'll pay. 3. You go around with the old one, which will somehow be all right. In the end, you break down and pay half a year late. 4. You have no idea it has expired. The person who reveals this to you is usually a policeman, who pulls you over because he thinks you were talking on the telephone. Incidentally, you weren't. A regrettable error has led to you having to pay a bailiff's order (in five payments): 1. We won't even assume this. Never happened, nada, and no such thing will ever happen to you. Sweetie, errors are like fires - they don't happen, they are caused. 2. You will curse and make the payments down to the very last. You will try with all your might to file the document somewhere. 3. You will make four out of the five payments and believe they won't notice. 5. You will pay only the one you have to pay in court and afterward you will lose that document too. If you have accumulated 5 points or less, you are Type I, Group A. That is, you are disciplined and gifted citizens. Apparently you will never make mistakes, and if you do, you will not get caught. It is not certain that you notice the full moon or the sunset on the longest day of the year, but kudos for the efficiency and order. When you get a chance, think about how you only live once and yadda-yadda-yadda. If you have accumulated 6 to 11 points, you are Type II, Group B. That is, you try very hard not to get in trouble, and you have already internalized that bureaucracy neither forgets nor forgives. However, it just isn't in you to be organized. Now and then you have a bad day, a document disappears, a hitch occurs. In general your intentions are good but you still often pay the price of a mess. If you have accumulated 12 points you are Type III, Group C. Okay, you're fertile ground for varied bureaucratic imbroglios; you have unfinished business with many establishments, systems and frameworks; you rebel and then regret, but you don't admit your guilt and you continue to accumulate traffic tickets, debts, small claims and large ones. God protects fools, but God is busy. We hope for your sake that you see a lot of sunrises and as the song goes, "There's no doubt that this is the setting of the sunrise." Or as the chef's mother says, "This is no simple matter." The origin of the ragu is in northern Italy, and the name refers to a whole family of pasta sauces made with minced meat. The most famous of them is ragu Bolognese. Over the years the name has come to be used for any sauce that includes a raw material that has been minced and gently cooked in olive oil or butter. For 6 servings. A heavy iron skillet 3 tblsp olive oil 1 carrot, peeled and very finely minced 1 medium yellow onion, very finely minced 1 very young celery stalk from the center of the head, very finely minced 1 small hot pepper, very finely minced 3 sage leaves Needles from a quarter of a stalk of rosemary Heat the skillet over a high flame, pour in the olive oil and immediately add the minced vegetables and the sage and rosemary leaves. Lower the flame to medium and stir with a wooden spoon until the carrot browns slightly. Pile all the vegetables around the side of the skillet to make room for the meat. 1 tblsp olive oil 600 grams lamb rib meat, coarsely minced (or good beef, coarsely minced) 1 small cluster black grapes 1/4 cup dry white wine 10 black pepper berries, coarsely broken. a bit of sea salt Make a ball of the meat, flatten it into a disc and place it in the skillet. This disc of minced meat is a kind of thin hamburger that allows the maximum surface area of the meat to be in direct contact with the burning hot skillet. Only the parts of the meat that touch the skillet will brown at first; afterward they will create steam that will prevent the browning from continuing. Turn the flame up high and let the disc of meat broil in the pan for about a minute. Now stir with a wooden spoon. The disc will crumble into hundreds of bits, some of which are browned and some of which change color from pink to grayish. The meat exudes liquids that bubble like foam; when they evaporate, topple the pile of steamed vegetables that have been waiting along the side of the pan, and mix well over a high flame for two minutes more until the bottom of the pan is completely dry. The ragu is very shiny, threatening to get stuck on the bottom. With your hand, squeeze the cluster of grapes over the ragu. What gets squeezed out bubbles hard on the bottom of the pan; with the help of the wooden spoon, scrape off the residue that has stuck to it. When the bottom of the pan is almost dry, add the wine, salt and pepper, and mix for a final few seconds. When all the liquids are reduced, turn off the heat; the ragu is ready. 1/2 a loaf of white bread Olive oil Sea salt Rosemary needles Using your hands, break some of the soft part of the bread into small, ragged pieces. Place them in a baking pan, dribble a bit of olive oil on them and scatter salt and the rosemary needles over them. Toast in a preheated oven at 180 degrees Celsius until they turn golden. 4 hot green peppers 1 large clove of garlic a pinch of sea salt olive oil Place all ingredients, except for the oil, in a food processor and pulse with the steel blade until a finely minced pepper sauce is produced. Remove from the food processor, transfer to a bowl and beat in the oil with a spoon. Take 200 grams of very red cherry tomatoes, preferably one of the elongated varieties, and crush them in a blender at high speed until they become smooth and foamy. Lamb ragu Toasted bread shreds Tahini Green pepper sauce Tomato foam Spread tahini in six shallow bowls, as for hummus. In the center of each bowl, on top of the tahini, place a pile of hot ragu. Plunge half the bread shreds into the tomato foam and the other half into the green pepper sauce. Arrange some of each on top of the ragu hill. Eat immediately. Of course there will be some raw tahini left in the jar and some tomato foam and pepper sauce will remain in their bowls. Mix a bit of the raw tahini with the tomato foam and the pepper sauce, without water and without lemon. Red, hot and hypnotizing. Bookmark to del.icio.us   Calling it quits Beleaguered prime minister announces he will not run in Kadima party primaries. Obama's hunch Report: Obama 'gets the feeling' Israel to strike Iran if sanctions fail.

Read & React Olmert: I'll quit once new Kadima leader chosen Responses: 123 ANALYSIS / Crushed and battered, Olmert finally broke Responses: 47 Gideon Levy: Top IDF officer should be tried for mass killing, not petty ATV incident Responses: 64 Hamas' Christian convert: I've left a society that sanctifies terror Responses: 156 Editorial: Holocaust survivors should march on Yad Vashem Responses: 9 More Headlines 16:03 Official: Olmert to seek Palestinian peace deal before leaving office 17:13 Kadima officials fear new leader won't be able to form gov't 12:20 ANALYSIS / Ehud Olmert failed in war and failed in peace 16:36 Despite sanctions, German firm closes 100m euro deal with Iran 12:59 Hamas' Christian convert: I've left a society that sanctifies terror 16:00 TV's dope-fest Weeds had great Jewish characters, until now 17:51 Group promoting worldwide Islamic rule marches in Gaza 15:37 Palestinian athletes overcome hurdles on their way to Olympics 17:39 Israeli envoy to Croatia condemns Nazi war criminal's funeral 13:36 Gaydamak's trial on gun-running charges to proceed as planned 11:53 British Jewish watchdog: Anti-Semitic incidents in U.K. up 9% in 2008 15:45 More and more yeshiva students choosing Torah over IDF service 08:35 Hamas releases abducted German TV cameraman 09:31 Cop wounded while arresting reputed mobsters near Ashkelon Previous Editions Select Day 30 jul 29 jul 28 jul 27 jul 25 jul 24 jul 23 jul 22 jul 21 jul 20 jul 18 jul 17 jul

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