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Edmund Case
Our guest this week is Edmund Case, president and publisher of InterfaithFamily.com (full bio here). We will discuss with him issues he deals with regularly, including mixed marriage, interfaith families, conversion and the way he believes the next generation of Jews will practice Judaism.
A dialogue was held a couple of weeks ago on similar topics - but from a different perspective - with Professor Sylvia Barak-Fishman. You can read it here.
Readers are welcome to read both dialogues and to send questions to Mr. Case to rosnersdomain@haaretz.co.il.
Dear Ed,
Should the typical American Conservative/Reform after-school
religious school be teaching its teenagers that in-marriage is a
Jewish positive and intermarriage is a Jewish negative? Or should
young people be taught rather that they are morally equivalent in Jewish life?
Jeff Gottesfeld
Salt Lake City UT
Dear Jeff,
At InterfaithFamily.com we believe that teenagers should be taught first that we (their parents, their synagogue, their movement, the Jewish community) hope that they will want to live engaged Jewish lives with their families and will make the choice to do so, and second that if that is something that they want, they are much more likely to have that result if they marry someone who is Jewish. That is the way that we would encourage teenagers to consider in-marriage.
I think it is a mistake to talk to teenagers about in-marriage and intermarriage in terms of Jewish morality, or in terms of being Jewishly positive or negative. Half of the teenagers who are given that message are likely to intermarry anyway, but they will take away the message that the Jewish community regards their marriage choice as immoral and a negative, which will deter them from making the choice to live engaged Jewish lives and raise Jewish children.
We need to keep our eye on the important goal. Intermarriage is a reality that will not be discouraged by the way religious schools talk about it. The community will be strengthened quantitatively and qualitatively if more intermarried parents choose to raise their children as Jews. Holding in-marriage up as a norm and those who intermarry as norm-violators will result in fewer intermarried parents making that choice. People do not go where they do not feel welcomed and respected.
At this point, many teenagers in Reform and Conservative religious schools have intermarried parents or know classmates who have intermarried parents. The fact that the children of intermarried parents are in a synagogue religious school itself teaches all of the students that it is possible for intermarried parents to raise engaged Jewish children. Trying to teach these students that intermarriage is Jewishly immoral and negative will be inconsistent with their own experience and will undermine the credibility of their teachers.
Dear Ed
This one is from a reader: How will same-sex marriages affect the future of Jewish families?
Rosner
Dear Shmuel (and reader),
I don't expect that same-sex marriages will have a major impact on the future of Jewish families. At InterfaithFamily.com we are open and welcoming and encourage the Jewish community to be inclusive of diversity. We have had several issues of our Web Magazine devoted to gay interfaith relationships. Our approach to gay interfaith couples is the same as it is to straight interfaith couples: we encourage the couples to make Jewish choices for themselves and for their children.
An interesting issue for outreach to interfaith families that is related to same-sex marriages has to do with rabbinic officiation. At InterfaithFamily.com we are happy to work with and support all rabbis who welcome interfaith couples and families, whether they officiate at intermarriages or not. However, we view having a rabbi officiate at a wedding as an important factor that can influence a couple to make Jewish choices, so we support rabbis who officiate and respectfully encourage others who are considering doing so. At the June 2006 CCAR convention we announced the formation of a new Rabbinic Circle and our plan to create a resource for rabbis on our website to help them address officiation issues.
One of the objections that some rabbis have to officiation, as I understand it, is that a marriage between a Jew and a non-Jew is not recognized under Jewish law. A same-sex marriage is also not recognized under Jewish law. But some rabbis will officiate at a same-sex marriage between two Jews, and not officiate at an intermarriage. I think (and hope) that officiation at same-sex marriages becoming more common will be another factor that will influence more rabbis who are considering officiating at intermarriages to do so.
Dear Ed
Jonathan asks: Will increasing number of single Jewish women make the
unity of Jewish identity hard than before?
Best
Rosner
Dear Shmuel and Jonathan,
Sadly, I don't feel that we have "unity of Jewish identity" today. I believe that the Reform and Reconstructionist movements were absolutely right to recognize patrilineal descent. Doing so has resulted in many more children of intermarried parents being raised as Jews. But the unwillingness of other parts of the Jewish community to recognize the children of non-Jewish mothers as Jews is an intractable problem. The only solution I see is for the parts of the community that accept patrilineal Jews to continue to do so with the presence of increasing numbers of committed patrilineal Jews over time leading to their growing acceptance.
If the Orthodox world would recognize conversions done under Reform auspices, I would advocate for the Reform movement to build conversion into life-cycle ceremonies in order to address this issue; but, again sadly, we know that such recognition is unlikely in the near future.
To me, the phenomenon of an increasing number of single Jewish women, as well as the phenomenon of low birthrate among Jewish women, makes it only more important for the Jewish community to do what it can to maximize the numbers of interfaith families who raise their children as Jews.
At present, the community makes very little effort to do so. The federation system spends $800 million annually, and Jewish family foundations spend $2.5 billion. Less than $3 million -- that is, less than one tenth of one percent -- is spent on outreach to interfaith families. One of the greatest challenges and opportunities faced by the Jewish community attracts negligible resources. That is something that needs to change.
Dear Ed
You talk about "raising children as Jews" - on which I'll ask you to
be more concrete. What is it that people have to do as to raise their
children in a "Jewish manner?" Can you highlight the 2-3 most
important components of the "proper" Jewish education?
Best
Rosner
Dear Shmuel,
When I say that my goal is to maximize the number of children "raised as Jews" by intermarried parents, I mean intermarried parents doing the same things to raise their children as Jews that families with two Jewish parents do.
At InterfaithFamily.com we deliberately do not prescribe what is "proper" Jewish education or behavior. We are collaborative with all welcoming Jewish organizations and include all approaches. The resources on our website encourage and support interfaith families to mark life-cycle events, including welcoming babies and Bar/Bat Mitzvah, with Jewish ritual, and to celebrate Jewish holidays. We offer resources that encourage and support interfaith families who are interested in synagogue life, with material coming from or concerning all denominations. We also offer resources for those interested in secular/cultural but not religious involvement. We have published issues of our Web Magazine on the experiences of interfaith families and the children of interfaith families with Jewish day schools, at Jewish camps, on Israel trips, and at college Hillels.
The main difference between intermarried parents and in-married parents raising Jewish children is that in many instances intermarried parents want to and should expose their children to the religious and/or cultural traditions of the parent who is not Jewish. We have done numerous online surveys of our readers who are raising their children as Jews which repeatedly show that the Jewish identity of the children is not compromised by this behavior.
Another difference that we observe frequently is that intermarried parents who are raising Jewish children work harder at doing to than in-married parents. Unfortunately there are many apathetic, uninvolved in-married parents. Many of our website visitors and survey respondents comment that being in an interfaith relationship means that they cannot take their Jewish involvement for granted, and need to think about and plan their behavior more. I believe that this results in many cases in very actively engaged parents, both the Jewish and non-Jewish partner. This is a common phenomenon in liberal synagogues today.
Dear Ed
In an article you wrote a while ago, you preached against what has
become the current trend of encouraging conversion in dealing with mixed marriage families:
"Conversion is not our goal, nor should it be the goal of Jewish
outreach. Non-Jewish partners who are participating in Jewish life,
and more importantly, raising their children as Jews, should be
accepted as they are..."
Can you explain your objection to efforts to convert non-Jewish
spouses - something that both scholars (Sylvia Barack Fishman) and
religious leaders (Rabbi Eric Yoffie) think is necessary?
Best,
Rosner
Dear Shmuel,
It is not fair to say that "the current trend in dealing with mixed marriage families" is "efforts to convert non-Jewish spouses." It is also not fair to say that Rabbi Eric Yoffie thinks it is "necessary" to convert non-Jewish spouses, or to equate his views with those of Sylvia Barack Fishman.
Nor have I or InterfaithFamily.com ever preached against conversion. Our article, which you excerpt, states as follows:
"Let's be clear: we at InterfaithFamily.com fully support anyone who chooses conversion. We wish them and their families "Mazel tov!" We are delighted if our resources help anyone make this wonderful personal decision. But conversion is not our goal, nor should it be the goal of Jewish outreach. Non-Jewish partners who are participating in Jewish life, and more importantly, raising their children as Jews, should be accepted as they are, not as if they are somehow "damaged goods" because they didn't happen to have Jewish parents or have decided not to convert."
My goal is to maximize the number of children raised as Jews by intermarried parents. I am absolutely convinced that that will happen more if the Jewish community genuinely welcomes and embraces intermarried couples, and far less if those couples get any indication that the Jewish community welcomes them only if the non-Jewish partner converts. It is as simple as that.
I object, not to encouraging conversion, but to doing so too aggressively. I agree with Rabbi Eric Yoffie's approach -- but the media have consistently mis-reported his approach, partly because of the Reform movement's own press release announcing it. Anyone who reads Rabbi Yoffie's biennial sermon on outreach initiatives itself will see that he said two equally important things: first, that non-Jewish parents who are raising Jewish children are "heroes of Jewish life" who should not only be welcomed but also profoundly thanked; and second, that we should not shy away from inviting those parents to consider conversion.
Rabbi Yoffie recognizes that in many cases, intermarried parents where there has not been conversion are in fact raising Jewish children. The problem with Sylvia Barack Fishman's approach, in my view, is that she does not acknowledge that to be the case. I would summarize her entire book, Double or Nothing, as concluding that intermarried parents who say that they are raising their children as Jews really are not, because they have Christmas and Easter celebrations in their homes, and the children do not turn out to have a Jewish identity. I believe that she is completely wrong in this conclusion. Since that is her view, however, it makes sense for her to contend that conversion is the "necessary" response to intermarriage. Sadly, if her view came to be accepted, we would see fewer Jewish children, not more, resulting from intermarriage.
I would summarize my position by quoting our article again:
"As Reform rabbis and leaders begin to gently encourage conversion, it is essential they continue to offer statements of gratitude and acceptance to non-Jewish spouses who are raising their children as Jews. To those interfaith families raising their children Jewish, we emphatically say 'Dayenu'--'it is enough.'"
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