If you marry them, you have a better chance of keeping them

1. Study

A seasonal surge in studies about intermarriage provides for both interesting reading and a lot of work. After writing early this week about the new Boston study (Boston's intermarried 'as observant' as Reform Jews) I will write today about another such study - one from The National Center for Jewish Policy Studies at Hebrew College in Boston.

Prof. Arnold Dashefsky of Connecticut is the principal author of this study. One headline: queried about their parents' reaction to the prospect of intermarriage, most Jewish respondents in this study said that the parent was "not opposed, and was happy that I was happy" (39 percent of fathers and 45 percent of mothers).

With such attitude, it's no wonder that the community seems to have moved away from trying to convince young adults to marry within the faith, and is now thinking long and hard about ways with which to keep the intermarried within the community. "The Jewish community in the United States and other developed countries", Dashefsky writes in his postscript, "must face the challenges of residing in 'wall-less' contexts".

2. Marriage

This study is about people who both intermarried and have at least some interest in Judaism. It is interesting because the interviews include both the Jewish and the non-Jewish spouses. A significant indication of whether or not these couples' children will be brought up Jewish is if wedding ceremony was conducted by a rabbi. The study found "a significant correlation, with 87 percent (who experienced sole rabbinic officiating) raising Jewish children, compared to 63 percent doing so who had other forms of wedding-officiating." Meaning: If you marry them, you have a better chance of keeping them. And the opposite is also true: Christian husbands in this study have "demonstrated their negative attitude toward rabbis who would not perform a marriage ceremony between interfaith persons".

By the way, the Boston study reached similar conclusion: "The survey found a strong correlation between Jewish wedding-officiating of intermarried couples and intermarried families raising their children as Jews".

However, a word of caution comes both from the study, and from a conversation I had today with Prof. Dashefsky: "these relationships indicate associations. They are not proof of a causal path between rabbinic officiator at the marriage ceremony" and a Jewish outcome. Caution aside, it is already clear that these two studies will have an impact on the discussion of the topic in the upcoming annual convention of the Reform Central Conference of American Rabbis.

3. Acceptance

"A gap exists between" the "relatively normative Jewish connections" of the non-Jewish spouses, and "their perception of acceptance within the larger Jewish community" - concludes the study. That is one topic on which Dashefsky would like people to focus. Of those couples who do not belong to a synagogue, a majority (67%) told him that attracting them to join one will only happen "If I find a synagogue in which my spouse feels comfortable".

4. Observance

This is also something that both the Boston study and this one emphasize: "Jewish spouses of the interfaith couple resemble in many ways the typical patterns embodied by all American Jews and the respondents even exceeded the norms in formal and informal Jewish education attained as well as in the observance of rituals like lighting Hanukkah and Shabbat candles." It is "a group of adults, both Jewish and non-Jewish, evincing more 'Jewish' behaviors than the average pattern among all American Jews".

Like in the case with the Boston study, what this study describes here is the half-full glass. One should also note that "being Jewish" was not as important to these couples as it is to the general Jewish population and that "more than half of the Jewish respondents reported that they had a Christmas tree and three-quarters exchanged Christmas presents." Whether that makes these families less of a "Jewish home" is open for interpretation and debate (Prof. Steven Cohen would say it does).

5. Agreement

"Agreement and tensions between interfaith couples were primarily centered on three themes: values and spirituality, religious observances and holidays, and raising children." The result might be confusing: "there is a diversity of practices followed by interfaith couples and this fact will need to inform programmatic responses of the community and its constituent organizations".

6. Implications

This is where the study becomes practical. "Some Christian and Jewish respondents stated that they found the Jewish community accepting and warm." But, "many Christian husbands and wives stated that they felt rejection or a lack of acceptance from the community". The couples interviewed for the study offered advice: They want more "classes, discussion groups, and support services" for interfaith couples; they want more resources with which to better understand Judaism and how it can relate to their daily lives; they want services to be "easy for non-Jews to understand".

And here is one or two of the suggestions to the Jewish community that were made by the scholars: "convey an explicit message that it welcomes interfaith couples"; Avoid off-putting expressions; "Offer incentives for interfaith families to encourage participation in Jewish institutions." And what about the rabbis? Either marry couples, or make sure that "the couple does not view the rabbi's inability and unwillingness to officiate as a personal rejection."

More on intermarriage on Rosner's Domain:

Boston's intermarried 'as observant' as Reform Jews

Changing face of American Jewry: Reaching out to interfaith families

The in-married Jewish people, the intermarried Jewish people

Are intermarried couples hopeless?

A dialogue with Edmund Case of InterfaithFamily.com

A dialogue with Prof. Sylvia Barak Fishman on inter-marriages and conversion

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