The emerging consensus on intermarriage: the trial has begun

My new occasional series on American Judaism was launched today and the first installment deals with this never ending discussion of intermarriage.

Is it "a great experiment has started - perhaps the most daring in Jewish history," I wrote. "Some will say it is the most idiotic."

That's the whole point of having a debate and discussion.

Interfaith marriage was always an issue for this blog, and some of the people interviewed for the new series (it will not just deal with intermarriage) were my guests for a more lengthy dialogue. If you want to read more about this topic you can start with Ed Case, a leading voice in the "camp of inclusion."

The main difference between intermarried parents and in-married parents raising Jewish children, he wrote, "is that in many instances intermarried parents want to and should expose their children to the religious and/or cultural traditions of the parent who is not Jewish."

The story of Beth Nichols, assistant rabbi and director of education at Temple Israel of New Rochelle, is the perfect example for such claim. Rabbi Nichols wrote a very interesting piece in the NY Jewish Week today.

It is the power of her personal journey that makes it intriguing. "My Dad's not Jewish," she confessed to her professor at the Hebrew Union College, "and Christmas was a really important time in his childhood, so it became an important time in my family. I'm Jewish, obviously, but Christmas has a lot of wonderful family memories attached to it."

Here's another quote from the article: "I am not going to have a Christmas tree in my house, and I am definitely not going to have a Chanukah bush. But I went to my parents' house for Christmas last year, and when I have children, they'll go too. My kids will know that the round red brocade ornament was made from the top of a pickle jar and fabric scraps when their grandparents were young and didn't have enough money to buy ornaments. And they'll know that the wooden farm and fragile plaster animals go back generations in grandpa's family. And they'll know that it's OK to love this part of their family history without threatening their Judaism. And at the same time, they will learn from these non-Jewish traditions the value of memory, of family and of sharing."

Another interviewee with whom I had prior dialogue is Prof. Len Saxe, who wrote that, "At least some of the problems faced by the children of intermarriage are the result of widely held attitudes."

In the dialogue with Prof. Sylvia Barack Fishman there's a discussion of the importance of Jewish parenthood:

"Jews in a free society will marry other Jews (1) if they find them attractive, (2) if Jewishness matters to them, and (3) if marrying another Jew is a valued as a worthwhile by their social networks. We have much more impact on communal norms and values than we do on erotic appeal. We need to figure out, as individuals and a community, how to talk about why Jewishness is precious and matters to us."

Obviously, all these parameters didn't persuade Adam Bronfman to marry a Jewish woman. In an article for the Jewish Forward today (Friday) he writes: "I married the non-Jewish woman I fell in love with as a teenager, and we have raised four wonderful children. We have enjoyed an exclusively Jewish home for the better part of the last 18 years."

Bronfman is one of many preaching for more acceptance and inclusion in the community.

"I believe in the concept of big-tent Judaism, one in which anyone interested in learning about and expressing Judaism is welcome. I also believe that a majority of Jewish communal professionals and lay leaders share this vision. The challenge is to put this ideal into practical application across a wider segment of the community. Like a corporate culture, the insular nature of much of the Jewish community has been built up over many years and cannot be changed overnight."

All in all, I became convinced some time ago that a new consensus on intermarriage is emerging (Case argued with me over this assumption, which he doesn't yet see).

In an article I wrote back in March, I argued that "Jewish communities in America are agonizing and deliberating but ultimately reaching the same conclusion. Every now and then an argument arises whether conversion to Judaism should be advocated and how far the pressure for conversion should go, but the consensus is growing: intermarriage must be accepted and embraced."

This might have been an overstatement. I should have written that, "intermarriage must be accepted and interfaith couples must be embraced."

Anyway, I invite you to follow this new series, and will be more than happy to read comments and reactions of both approval and disagreement. On the eve of Yom Kippur, this is also an opportunity for me to with you all a happy, healthy, safe and prosperous new year.


Shana Tova and Gmar Tov.


Today on Rosner's Domain:

Updated The Israel Factor:
Do you believe Hillary Clinton?

What To Read:
Comparing Israel and South Africa

Previous blog:
The court decided: Menachem was born in Jerusalem, but not in Israel

Rosner's Guest:
David Raab, author of Terror in Black September