An epistolary novel: Will Steven's kids get a Jewish education?

The names were changed, and so were some other personal and financial details. The name of the community was deleted. I wanted to make sure that no one would be able to recognize the two people involved.

But the following exchange of letters is real, and was conducted not long ago. The letters were obtained by a group of Jewish professionals. "It's very telling about the climate of the Jewish community," wrote one Jewish operative, as he was sending the email exchange to others. He got it, I guess, directly from the Executive Director of a Jewish Temple, the person we call "Len."

"I think it provides a fascinating insight into the minds of many in our Jewish communities today," commented Len to some colleagues. Here are the letters he received, followed by his responses. Steven is the person initiating the correspondence:

Letter 1: Steven to Len

Len:

I am interested in obtaining membership information including all associated costs and payment options.

We are a family of four with two children. Our daughter is entering third grade and our son entering kindergarten.

Thanks,

Steven

Letter 2: Len to Steven

Steven,

If you provide your address, I will be more than happy to send some information to your home. In the meantime, I would encourage you to join us for Shabbat services soon, so you can get an idea of who we are and how we do things. Until the High Holy Days, all services start at 6:30. Please be in touch with any questions.

Thanks!

Len

Letter 3: Steven to Len

Len,

Our address is XXXXX.

Are you able tell me the information via email as well as send the information?

Thanks,

Steven

Letter 4: Len to Steven

Absolutely - here is how the fees would break down for you:

Membership Dues: $xxx
Building Fund: $xxx
School Registration: $xxx
Hebrew// School Tuition: $xxx
Religious School Tuition: $xxx
Total: $xxxx

This amount can either be billed to your house or automatically charged against your charge card. This can be done either once annually, quarterly, 10 months through the year or 12 months. If you choose the 12 month option, your monthly commitment would be $xxx.

I will get some membership information sent to your home. Please be in touch with any other questions.

Thanks.

Len

Letter 5: Steven to Len

Len,

Thank you. Is there any way to lessen the expense?

Steven

Letter 6: Len to Steven

Steven,

We do have a dues consideration process. I would suggest that even before we get there, review the information we send, come to Shabbat. Get a feel for our synagogue. If it feels like home to you, then let's discuss how we can make this as financially comfortable for you as possible.

Len

Letter 7: Steven to Len

Len,

Do we just show up and observe? What do members typically wear for Shabbat services?

Steven

Letter 8: Len to Steven

Yes, absolutely show up. Dress is usually casual (not jeans, Khakis are fine). I am usually here on Friday nights, so please be sure to say hi. By the way, we are having a free new and prospective member Barbecue on XXX (date) right before services. Let me know if you might like to come to that, and I will put your name on the list.

Len

Letter 9: Steven to Len

Len,

Thank you for the invite, but we are going to be on a cruise from the xx to the xx. If I had to guess, without seeing our calendar, I would say that we may be able to come on August xx.

Steven


Two weeks have now gone by...


Letter 10: Steven to Len

Len,

With our vacation coming up this week we are likely not going to have time to come to services prior to having to make a decision on which synagogue to join. And to be honest with you my wife and I are not big on going to services so that will have very little impact on our decision.

The biggest impact on our decision will be financial. Our want is to be able to educate our children. We realize that there is a cost involved, however we feel that spending between $35,000.00 to $40,000.00 over the time period necessary for both of our children to become bnai mitzvah is more than we are willing to spend.

You mentioned that there is a dues consideration process. I, of course, do not know what the process consists of, but I do know if income has the biggest impact on the outcome of lessening the cost that we will likely not qualify for a reduction.

Having said that is there any way to educate our children at xxx for a more reasonable amount of money?

Thanks,

Steven

Letter 11: Len to Steven

Steven,

Good to hear from you.

I understand your financial concerns about membership at xxx and the cost to educate your children. However, please do understand that beyond dues, the fees we charge are the actual costs to educate your children. We are a non-profit organization, and we charge only what we need to charge in order to cover our expenses.

Dues considerations are available for families in need, but even those reductions only apply to membership dues and never to school fees, which again, are fixed costs. When applying for dues considerations, we ask families to fill out a form, and to submit their 1040 tax forms so the dues committee can fairly and equitably assess need.

Needless to say, there are costs involved with synagogue membership, but I would encourage you to consider these costs in terms of important and necessary support of the Jewish community. Obviously, Judaism has some level of importance for you and your family, otherwise, you would not even be considering synagogue membership. Why is that? What has brought you and your family to this moment? And what responsibility do we all have to the perpetuation of the Jewish community which can be so central to our identity, our culture and our character.

The costs are significant, but I would encourage you to contact other synagogues in our area. For the most part, you will find that we all charge approximately the same amounts. I strongly encourage you to affiliate with a synagogue, it is important.

Len

Letter 12: Steven to Len

Len,

I appreciate the quick response. We have contacted other synagogues in the area and you are correct that they all are about the same cost.

I really would have no qualms about paying to educate my children if that is all we had to pay. My issue is with having to pay a membership fee for the right to pay more money for the education. As a family we care enough about trying to educate our family about the Jewish religion. However, we are not inclined to participate much in the overall experience. Thus, having to pay a membership just so our kids can get an education is more than we are willing to spend given the combined cost of the two.

As important as it is to everyone else that we join a synagogue it is just as important to us that our children get to experience other aspects of life and that we have enough financial resources to provide those experiences. If we have to spend 35K to 40K over the course of eight years to educate our children then it will certainly take away from those experiences. You say it is our responsibility to help perpetuate the Jewish community. Isn't it the responsibility of the Jewish community to make it affordable for Jewish people to do so?

I do not claim to know a lot about other religions. The one thing I do know is that it doesn't cost nearly as much money to belong and be educated.

Based on our beliefs and the costs of synagogues in our area it is looking more and more as if our children are not going to be educated in the Jewish religion. From our perspective the costs outweigh the benefits of the education. It is a shame that money plays such a large part in the Jewish religion.

Regards,

Steven

A note from Len:

I then picked up the phone and called Steven, basically saying that I could not end this correspondence without at least picking up the phone and saying hello. We each repeated our positions, and I actually think there is a slight chance he still might join...I guess I'll find out after his cruise!