1. Psychiatrists needed
Mitzna's campaign staff has decided not to import spin doctors from America, like Bibi, Barak and Sharon. Instead, they have hired two local psychologists to accompany the election campaign from beginning to end. Their job is to figure out the mystery behind the public adulation of Sharon. If he's so good that most people are wild about him and anyone who dares to say a critical word is tarred and feathered, then why is the situation so bad? And if things are so bad, why the love affair with Sharon?
One explanation is that a portion of the public is suffering from shell shock and doesn't believe in changing generals in mid-battle. Mitzna's psychologists will also try to figure out how come most of the people who plan to vote for Sharon can't explain his policies. Maybe these guys will submit an evaluation or two, but to really crack the code and get to the bottom of this insanity, you need more than psychologists. You need psychiatrists.
2. Do-it-yourself
The Gilboa regional council has decided to build itself a 12-kilometer security fence at its own initiative and expense. It has simply given up on the government, which has promised a fence so many times and hasn't done a thing. The Israeli citizen - and this is a process that didn't start today - has learned over time that the government can't be relied on in any department. It doesn't supply the services that a state is obligated to supply. There is no national service that doesn't have a twin in the private sector: There are messenger services that deliver the mail more efficiently. There are security services that do the work of the police force. There are non-profit associations that provide much better welfare services than those offered by the government. Without even noticing, another entity has grown up alongside the lumbering, incompetent State of Israel: a do-it-yourself state.
3. Ratfink banks
Once upon a time, when Value Added Tax was born, the Finance Ministry published a telephone number that came to be known as the "squealer line." The public was encouraged to inform on tax offenders in return for 10 percent of the take. Before that, the ministry published an annual bestseller entitled "The Book of Tax-Payers" in which penny-pinching capitalists were publicly executed. But the practice of invading the citizen's privacy has not stopped. Now, with the new tax reforms, the Finance Ministry has turned the banks into its part-time employees. The banks must report all income and every move made by their clients to the tax authorities. There was a time when banks proudly promoted their services with the advertising slogan "You've got a friend at the bank." From now on, it's going to be hard to see the bank as a friend, advising me what to buy and what to sell, and then running off to tell the guys at Income Tax. Isn't filing an annual tax return enough?
4. Unfair Blair
Tony Blair invited Mitzna for a visit at the beginning of January, and Netanyahu had a fit. Why? Because he wanted to meet with Blair, too, but at 10 Downing Street, they said that the prime minister doesn't meet with foreign ministers. Netanyahu blew his top even more, because he says Blair is meddling in the Israeli election campaign. A rather strange accusation coming from a man who met with heads of state, congressional committees and the Senate in order to clip some more coupons when he ran against Sharon. But in the long run, Bibi is letting off steam for nothing. Blair met plenty of times with Barak, and look where he ended up.
5. Not from the diving board
We may be seeing a lot of corruption these days, but that shouldn't make anyone nostalgic about the olden days. Back then, everything was small. The largest government institutions employed 60 people. Administrative offices were manned by 12 staffers, and the bureaus of top officials had a total of 6. All the political appointments were decided upon in little committees whose main objective was to further their own interests and keep the founding fathers of the parties in power. Begin lost eight elections and no one dared to oust him. All the young people of Mapai turned gray before they reached the helm. No wonder young Peres finds it so hard to give up his seat. The system was Bolshevik, and there were quarrels, deals and score-settling aplenty. But with one difference: No one ever pissed from the diving board
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