| A suggestion: Ask your daughter: Would you like us to spend ____ on a big party, or shall we give it to a tzdaka of your choice instead? And then let the girl decide. Give her time to think. Give her concrete information about the various possibilities. If she chooses the tzdaka, give the FULL SUM the party would have cost and not just a token 100. And if she chooses the big party in the end, don`t berate her for it - she had the choice, and she made her decision. That`s what being an adult means, doesn`t it (of course, it`s not her money, it`s yours, and you can decide yourself if you want - that goes without saying). The same for boys when they become bar mitzva. I heard of several young people who were faced with the choice between tzdaka and a big party, and who picked tzdaka. And if a girl chooses the party? At least she will know that there is a choice, and that his or her parents are spending the money for what SHE wants, and not just to keep up with the neighbors. |
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