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Last update - 00:00 30/03/2007
Family affair / The Yishais
By Avner Avrahami and Reli Avrahami
Be'er Sheva
The cast: Harela (39), Rahamim (49), Dorel (16), Priel (14), Talel (13), Matne'el (11), Pazel (4), Michael (2).
The names: "We stuck to 'el' (God)," Harela says. "It ensures long life."
The home: Detached, white stucco, 154 square meters, half a dunam (an eight of an acre), grass in front, basketball backboard in back and 1,000 flowers in between. They have been here for 15 years, after living in a housing project in the city. They bought the house for the shekel equivalent of $150,000, after taking a $100,000 mortgage with "extremely high repayments," which cause distress.
Distress: "We are cutting back," Harela says. She recently stopped the children's painting, music and soccer activities, leaving only an English-language group.
Entering: Behind a decorative black door is a foyer in which there is a "Shabbat corner." This consists of a bureau with a copper bowl for the ritual washing of hands. Also there are two statuettes in the form of open prayer books, each open to a different weekly Torah portion (Emor and Ha'azinu), a souvenir from the bar mitzvahs of Dorel and Priel. Adjacent is a candle-lighting set (with candlesticks and candles) above drawers containing eating utensils for Shabbat ("It's an amazing set, like you see in banquet halls"). We continue. Down two stairs is a low-level living room with a huge aquarium (1,000 liters of water), in which regular small fish swim together with a large black one that looks like a shark. Rahamim, who is in charge of the fishery, the carpentry, the construction and the gardening in the house, says it's a kind of dolphin. On the walls are oil paintings, some of them by Priel. The boy produces spectacular landscape paintings and has also done his parents dancing at their wedding. We ask where the furniture was purchased; it's all from a local place. "IKEA will not enter this house," Harela asserts. We proceed to the TV corner, located between the living room and the other rooms.
The TV corner: In addition to a sofa and the TV set, this area also contains a large library of religious books, including the Babylonian Talmud, the Pentateuch with commentaries, the six books of the Mishna and "The Family Tree," which tells about Harela's Afghan roots ("We are from Harat and Kabul"). We peek into the bedroom.
The bedroom: Next to the double bed are dark-brown closets ("All bought from the showroom") and a stereo set built into the wall (designed and built by Rahamim). On the shelves are Sunrider organic health products, which, it will emerge, play an important role in the family's life.
Livelihoods and occupations: Harela is a matchmaker. She has been in the profession for 15 years and is the owner of a firm called Du-Lev (literally, "double heart"), which has branches in Be'er Sheva, Ashdod and Jerusalem. The firm has brought together more than 700 couples and has thousands of names in its secure database ("My computer is not connected to the Internet"). She deals with the secular and traditionalist sectors only ("I don't understand the Haredi [ultra-Orthodox] sector").
What makes a good matchmaker: "A good eye, integrity and fairness." When Harela sees someone, she knows straight off who she is going to introduce him/her to. "It's easy to turn the business into a brothel, heaven forbid," she says, but that of course is not her way of doing things.
The price list: It's a secret. "There is no transparency in this area," she says. "Only someone who gets service understands how much I am worth for him. With me, people don't blow the chance of a lifetime." Rahamim: "It's a service and not a shelf product, so there is no set price."
Important revelations: 1. A single mother with a child has a better chance to find a match than a single woman without a child ("She has proved that the machine works, and there is no pressure"). 2. "Even the miser has someone who is suitable for him."
Work hours: Six days a week, from 8 A.M. until 10-11 P.M. She also engages in "network marketing" of Sunrider products.
Sunrider: She came to the American health products after Rahamim was diagnosed with diabetes. "It wasn't what I had in mind," Harela says, "but because it was good for me, I decided it was my mission." Subsequently she discovered that it's also a living.
Rahamim: Mechanical engineer at a plant in the industrial zone of Omer, a Be'er Sheva suburb, where he is a project manager, working a five-day week ("From 8 until whatever's needed"), driving back and forth in a company vehicle, a Hyundai H1 minivan. He likes his job very much. One day a week he does volunteer work with a group that renovates the homes of poor people ("a contribution to the community").
Dorel: Tenth-grade student at a boarding-school yeshiva of the national-religious Bnei Akiva movement, and an outstanding student (particularly in mathematics). On Thursdays he does volunteer work, distributing food to needy people within the framework of the school's charity work ("Yesterday we wandered around until 12:45 A.M."). In his leisure time he is a deejay at parties ("mainly Middle Eastern music") and has all the equipment (sound and lighting). He is partners with Priel in the business.
Priel: Eight-grade student in the same yeshiva as Dorel, and like his older brother is also inclined toward math and science - in addition to painting. Like Dorel, he comes home every second Shabbat, "and there are also 'afters' on Tuesdays."
Severance from home: "We couldn't wait for boarding school" (Dorel). According to Harela, this has always been considered the best form of education.
Talel: In seventh grade, at a girls' religious school. She is still living at home, but in the future ("With God's help"), she will also attend a boarding school. Until recently she studied mathematics at Ben-Gurion University (BGU) of the Negev in Be'er Sheva, within the framework of a youth program, but stopped because of the family "cutbacks."
Matne'el: A sixth-grader in a state religious school, he is also outstanding in mathematics and takes part in university enrichment programs.
Pazel: In a private kindergarten, at NIS 1,700 a month ("The kindergarten teacher's husband takes care of the transportation").
Michael: At home with Mom ("In the meantime, we're saving the cost of another kindergarten").
Rahamim's bio: Born in Iran in 1958. At age three the family moved to Dimona, in the Negev, where his father opened a fabric store ("He started out with a sack of clothes on his back"). He remembers his childhood, with his six brothers and three sisters ("all of whom are engineers, technical engineers, teachers and accountants") as being a happy one. He majored in mechanics in a vocational high school, served in the Signal Corps, completed his matriculation certificate, studied mechanical engineering at BGU, graduating in 1984, and since then has worked for various planning firms. His great-grandfather on his father's side, he says, was the brother of the grandfather of President Moshe Katsav ("But we weren't close").
Harela's bio: Born in the Negev town of Arad ("We were the first ones there"), she is a sister to four brothers. Her grandfather, Rabbi Meir Rahamim, was the leader of Afghanistan's Jewish community. He was exiled to Siberia and died "of cold and hunger." Her father, now retired, was the head of the Arad religious council. She attended a state-religious public school, a girls' high school of the Bnei Akiva movement, did a year of national service in Beit Shemesh ("At Miftan, an institution for youth in distress"), and then studied economics and business administration at BGU and worked for a living in a wide variety of jobs. She graduated, married, taught at the Institute of Productivity, was fired because she refused to promise that she would stop having children (after the second one), sued the institute, won the case ("and a lot of money") - and opened a business of her own in the sphere she liked to engage in most of all: matchmaking.
Her own match: 1988. Harela was an economics student who cleaned offices to pay her way; Rahamim was working as an engineer. One day, while she was cleaning an office, he called up and she picked up the phone by chance. That day he was at home in Dimona, because his back was hurting, and the random conversation went on until the evening. At this stage, Rahamim drove in from Dimona to escort her home (and be with her for the rest of their lives). At the time, Harela was set to marry someone else ("another engineer"), and her parents were deeply distressed by her decision to cancel that match and tie her fate to that of Rahamim, who was 10 years older ("It was like a TV show," she says).
The wedding: December 18, 1989, Narkiss Banquet Hall, Be'er Sheva ("under threats"). Her father did not forgive her until two days before the wedding ("I was a real rebel in his eyes"), and her brothers said they would not attend, either. In the end, everyone came. "In our case, love triumphed" (Harela).
Motherhood vs. career: "I am first of all a mother," she says. "I breast-fed the children until they were a year old, and I always cook. You will never find frozen pre-cooked chicken in this house."
Dreams: "For Rahamim to grow old with me" (Harela); "To see grandchildren with Harela" (Rahamim); "To make my parents happy" (Dorel); "To have a family and be an engineer" (Priel); "For Dad to get well" (Talel); "To be a deejay and an engineer" (Matne'el); "I dream about Michael" (Pazel).
Quarrels and making up: "There are lots," Harela says, "but the anger can last maybe half a minute." She adds, "Whenever there is a lecture about relationships, raising children, 'life without anger,' we run to listen."
The future: "Things will not be good," Rahamim says. Within 50 years, he says, the balance of forces in the region will change, "and we will have to leave." Harela: "I believe things will be good."
Peace: "I am ready to give up my house in return for peace" (Rahamim). "Many of those in national Judaism would be ready to compromise if it were a case of true peace" (Harela).
The hat: From Paris. "It's a designer one" (Harela).
Happiness quotient (scale of 1-10): Harela, Talel, Matne'el - 10; Rahamim and Priel - 9; Dorel - 12.
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